Signis Luna
by daisley
Summary: Remus and his friends are in their fourth year at Hogwarts. Just when he thought he'd figured his friends out, they continue to surprise him. Sequel to New Beginnings. Trying to stay as canon-compliant as possible.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: First of all, I'm not J.K. Rowling, this universe and these characters are rightfully hers. Secondly, this is the sequel to "New Beginnings", and, as I'm trying to stay as canon as possible, it's not mandatory that you read that story before this one, but I seriously recommend it. The Marauders are about the start their fourth year at Hogwarts and the drama continues. Please read and review!**

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Chapter 1: A Narrow Escape

August, 1974

As Remus slowly regained consciousness, he began sorting through the confusing and fuzzy memories from the previous night as he often did after a transformation. Most of the time, there was nothing worth remembering, just blood and teeth and rage which only provided more fuel for his nightmares; but something unusual had happened last night.

The wolf had spent a large chunk of the evening trying desperately to squeeze its head through the bars on the tiny window in the corner of the cellar; it had only just grown large enough to reach it while standing on its hind legs during the summer. There had been something important outside last night.

Remus tried to make sense of the jumbled information that had been gathered by senses that weren't his own. It couldn't have been something the wolf had heard because of his father's silencing charms and he couldn't remember _seeing_ anything…

_Smell!_ He thought suddenly; _it had been a smell!_

It had been something familiar, something that been intriguing enough to stop the wolf from hurting itself; but what was it?

A persistent banging sound finally made its way to the forefront of his brain and Remus risked opening his eyes a crack.

He was in his bed. Someone had mercifully shut the blinds on his window so his room was dimly lit. It became clear that the banging sound was coming from the living room and he glanced around his own room quickly.

His mother was sitting in an armchair beside his bed, shooting nervous glances at the window and someone had put all of his belongings into boxes. Remus felt his remaining grogginess disappear instantly.

"What's going on?" His face ached as he spoke from the wolf's long struggle against the bars on the cellar window.

"We have to leave," Hope's voice was faint as she twisted a tissue in her hands anxiously.

"What!? Why!?" Remus tried to sit up, but he was still lacking the strength to do so; his mother helped prop him up before sitting back down.

She chewed her bottom lip and when she spoke, the emotional strain behind her voice made his stomach plummet, "There was an attack in the town last night." Remus' eyes widened and he felt his heartrate pick up.

"They're saying—" Hope tugged at the tissue in her lap, "they're saying that it was a _werewolf_ attack." Before he could react she added in a whisper, "A little girl died."

Remus felt sick. Bile was rising in his throat and despite knowing better, he cried out, "But I didn't get out last night!"

Hope shook her head vigorously, "No, love. I know. It was another werewolf. But we still have to leave."

She was being infuriatingly vague and his head was spinning with a million questions.

"Did they find whoever it was? Are they still out there? Can't we help them!?"

His mother gave him an odd look: it was a mixture of pain, love, and something else he couldn't quite place. Something like guilt, perhaps?

Hope looked towards the bedroom door; the banging on the other side had finally stopped.

"Remus…" she began uncertainly, "There are some people in this world who are beyond help. I don't believe that… this individual… can be helped."

He stared at his mother incredulously, "Whoever they are, they couldn't control it!" he cried. "I _know _what it's like to be transformed, to be able to _see_ what you're doing and be powerless to stop it! Please!" he begged, "Please! We can't leave, not yet. We need to help them!"

Hope turned her attention away from the door and fixed her gaze on her hands. Her sudden sob startled him.

"Please Remus, _don't_. We just have to go and we have to go _now_. I won't let him find you!" she wailed.

His mother buried her face into her hands as her thin shoulders shook and Remus felt something twist in the pit of his stomach.

"You won't let _who_ find me?"

At that moment the door to his bedroom swung open revealing his father, looking more pale and ill than Remus had ever seen him. He cleared his throat.

"Everything's packed. I've found a house about an hour outside of Ipswich."

Hope nodded mutely and Lyall glanced at his son nervously, "We'll go as soon as you're well enough to Floo there." He pointed his wand at a stack of boxes in the corner of his room and shrunk them down until they were small enough to fit in his pocket. "I'll have to come back for the rest later."

"Can you do anything for my garden?" Hope asked gloomily.

Lyall nodded, "We'll only be gone for a couple of weeks, but I'll see what I can do." His father turned to leave but Remus stopped him in his tracks.

"I don't understand," he was positively desperate for some sort of an answer.

Lyall leaned heavily against the door frame.

"I know," he replied sadly, without turning to meet his son's gaze.

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The rest of the morning passed in a stressful blur.

Hope refused to leave her son's side and Lyall, having already packed all of the more crucial things, paced around the house anxiously.

Remus found it impossible to rest and his father, eager to speed up his son's recovery, handed him a different potion every half hour.

By mid-afternoon, the werewolf was feeling well enough to make the, admittedly short, journey to their new house, much to his parents' relief.

He didn't want to leave their home. After all, the Lupins had lived there for the past couple of years, longer than they had lived anywhere else since Remus had been bitten. His parents had friends in the village; truthfully, they weren't close friends, but it was the first time his parents had established any such connections in nearly a decade.

As he stepped out of the fireplace into their new house, Remus collapsed into his mothers' arms, feeling weak and shaky once again. A moment later, Lyall appeared behind him with a suitcase in his hand. He set the suitcase down and immediately turned his attention back to the fireplace.

"What're you doing?" Hope asked nervously.

"Closing the connection," he explained hastily, "At least for the next couple of days." He cast a spell which caused the flames in the fireplace to glow green, then red, and finally they died altogether.

Remus, leaning heavily against his mother, could only stare at his father curiously. In the past, the Lupins had been forced to leave their home abruptly on several different occasions, but most of the time they would have a few days' notice; but even when they'd fled in the middle of the night, his father had never seemed so terrified before.

Lyall reached down to pick up the suitcase again, his hands were shaking violently as he did so.

"Dad?" Remus said, barely above a whisper. He hoped his father knew what he was really asking. Hope squeezed his shoulder behind him.

His father flinched before stooping down to open the suitcase, revealing a number of miniature items.

"I'll start with your room," he replied evasively.

Remus couldn't help but wonder if his parents would ever explain what had just happened.

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The Lupins spent the better part of the next week cooped up in the tiny house. Whenever Lyall had to leave for work, he'd set up an excessive number of barrier and protection spells on the house and Hope fretted and fussed every time there was an unexplained sound outside.

As the days wore on, Remus' curiosity gave way to frustration. The house was stifling in the summer heat and although he'd been told it was still too dangerous to go outside, no one had told him _why_ it was dangerous. Not to mention Sirius had been having an extremely hard time at home this summer and Remus knew that his friend would start panicking if his letters were returned without being delivered, but his parents remained adamant that he wait a few more days before sending an explanation.

After a little over a week, Hope and Lyall had finally calmed down enough to let their son send a message to Sirius. He got his friend's reply just a few hours later when Bevan, the family owl, returned home.

_You're dead, Lupin. Dead!_

Remus sighed to himself as he began reading the hastily-scrawled letter.

_First the Daily Prophet says that there's been a werewolf attack in Pentrich_ _and then every one of my letters gets sent back unopened! James, Peter, and I were about to start a country-wide search!_

_As soon as I see you, I'm going to kill you._

_Hope everything's alright,_

_Sirius._

Remus smiled, suddenly grateful that he'd be returning to school in just a few short weeks.


	2. Chapter 2: Another New Year

**A/N: Thanks for all the support and comments so far—I'm very happy to be finally diving into this story, especially since I've been thinking about it for so long. Please read and review.**

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Chapter 2: Another New Year

As Remus made his way to the back of the Hogwarts Express, he tried to put the memories from his latest transformation, not quite two days ago, out of his mind. It was impossible however.

He'd said goodbye to his parents just five minutes ago and his mother had _still_ been trembling like a leaf.

The house outside of Ipswich didn't have a cellar, a shed, or even a spare bedroom for him to transform in, so they'd moved all of the furniture out of Remus' bedroom and his father set up a number of barrier spells—it was something the Lupins had had to do countless times in the past. But the wolf had become a lot stronger and more ferocious in recent years. On Sunday night, not only did the wolf shatter the flimsy bedroom door, but it had managed to claw and chew massive holes in the drywall; if his father hadn't set up multiple barrier spells around all four walls of his room he would have…

Remus shook his head and pressed his thumbnail painfully into his palm; he didn't want to think about what would've happened.

But the thoughts crept back in quickly. He imagined his parents cowering in the kitchen all night, trying to stay as far away from their son's room as possible, feeling the whole house shake every time the wolf threw itself against the door or the walls. Lyall had probably had a death grip on his wand the whole time…

_Hogwarts_, Remus thought, trying to break the train of thought. _School, classes, the library, friends_.

Finally he reached the last compartment, where he and the other Marauders had agreed to meet. Sirius was already inside, lounging across one of the benches as he watched out the window, but there was no sign of Peter or James.

Sirius started slightly as Remus slid open the compartment door, but grinned as soon as he saw who it was.

"Good summer?" The dark-haired boy asked so casually, the werewolf had to remind himself that the last time they'd spoken had been months ago, not just the other day.

"It was alright, I suppose," he replied as he eyed his trunk—debating whether or not he was strong enough to lift it up yet.

"You?" he asked as he decided to chance it and tried to pick his trunk up. It was heavier than he anticipated, but Sirius was beside him the instant he began to struggle, helping him push it into place.

"It was alright," he answered, and Remus chuckled.

Once his trunk was secure, the realization dawned on the werewolf that he was now several inches taller than his friend. Evidently, Sirius noticed the same thing and shot his friend an amused look.

"Looks like your father got a little over zealous healing your broken bones and added a couple of extra inches," he teased before plopping back down into his seat.

"Perfect. Let's add 'lanky and awkward' to the long list of reasons why I'm so loveable," he sighed as he sat down and Sirius laughed his trademark bark of a laugh.

Truthfully, Remus hadn't given his recent growth spurt too much thought—he figured that the others would've grown just as much but he now realized that it was a ridiculous assumption.

"You know, for most people, being tall is a _good_ thing." Sirius rested his hands behind his head casually. That was when Remus noticed a bruise peeking out from under his friend's t-shirt sleeve.

"What happened?" he asked quietly, nodding towards the mark.

Sirius had to twist his arm to see the bruise. Remus could've sworn he saw his friend beginning to blush.

"Must've banged it up when I was packing my trunk a few days ago," Sirius could be a very convincing liar at times, but the waver in his voice gave him away.

"Right," he replied skeptically, watching his friend try and fail to angle his wand towards it.

"Just help me heal it, would you?"

Remus resisted the urge to delve deeper and sighed.

"Alright, let's see it then…"

Sirius shifted in his seat and pulled his sleeve up further—the bruise was large and a particularly painful looking blue colour. Not giving himself a chance to imagine what had caused such an injury, Remus muttered the spell Madam Pomfrey had taught him at the end of last year. The bruise faded to a pale yellow which was barely noticeable.

"That's the best I can do for now," Remus leaned back, putting his head against the window.

"Thanks," Sirius muttered sheepishly, tugging his sleeve down self-consciously.

"Packing your trunk, huh?"

"Yeah," Sirius smiled but it looked horribly forced and Remus took it as a sign that his friend needed a change of subject fast.

"Did you hear from Andromeda and Ted this summer?"

"I did," Sirius' smile turned genuine and he laughed, "Nymphadora's learned how to change her nose at will. Andy said it's a pain because she can't take her anywhere muggles might be."

Remus laughed and Sirius seemed to brighten up.

The compartment door slid open again and James and Peter walked in.

"Have a good summer, lads?" James grinned widely as he moved to store his trunk. Without waiting for any answers, the messy-haired boy plopped down next to Sirius, frowning slightly as he looked at the werewolf.

"You alright? I'm surprised Dumbledore didn't make special travel arrangements for you this year."

Remus felt a blush spread across his face and memories from the night resurfaced.

"If you think I look bad, you should see the house…" he joked darkly.

Evidently James and Peter didn't seem to think that there was any truth behind his words and laughed. Remus forced himself to smile along with them but Sirius shot him a worried look.

"What'd you do this summer?" he asked James, clearly trying to redirect the conversation.

"Wait!" he interrupted before James' had a chance to reply, "Let me guess… I'm sensing two words… Qui… quid…"

"Quidditch practice!" Peter shouted and Sirius laughed. James scowled slightly.

Noticing his friend's sour expression, Remus lightly quipped, "Looks like Divination class is finally starting to pay off." Sirius' laughter redoubled.

"I did other stuff too, you know," James replied defensively. "My parents and I went to Denmark for two weeks."

"Oh?" Sirius quirked his head to the side slightly, "And what did you do there?"

James' blush returned, "Well, it was kind of boring sightseeing all the time, so I wound up working on my flying skills a lot." At this, they all laughed, even James.

"Bloody hell," he breathed once the laughter had died, "That can't _really_ be all I ever do and talk about…"

Sirius patted his shoulder sympathetically, "It's alright, mate. We're here for you whenever you're ready to admit you have a problem."

"Oi!" James gave his friend a playful shove.

It always amazed Remus to see how quickly the Marauders were able to slip back into their roles once they were reunited. Months could pass with almost no communication and, in a matter of seconds, it was as if no time had passed at all.

The werewolf tilted his head back against the window, feeling suddenly exhausted—he hadn't realized how anxious and stressed he'd been feeling until now, when he felt much more at ease in his friends' company.

Noticing that their friend was beginning to drift off, the other Marauders lowered their voices slightly but continued their banter the entire trip.

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Remus watched the Sorting carefully, trying to remember the names of all of the incoming first years.

"Fewer and fewer every year," James muttered quietly beside him as the Sorting Hat declared a timid-looking boy a Ravenclaw.

"Yeah, there were 80 students in Andy's year," Sirius added thoughtfully. Remus felt a knot form in his stomach as he reflected that there couldn't be more than 30 new students this year.

"Where did everyone sleep?" Peter asked.

Before Remus could answer, Sirius said, "All the dormitories have been enchanted to expand and create extra rooms for bigger classes, there's never more than six to a room though." He raised his eyebrows and wondered when Sirius had actually bothered to read _Hogwarts: A History_.

"SLYTHERIN!" The Sorting Hat interrupted and the dark-haired girl hurried towards her cheering classmates, blushing.

"I wonder why there are so few of them," Peter frowned.

"I've been hearing rumors lately," James said softly.

"What kind of rumors?"

"The kind I don't want to believe…"

Remus squeezed his knee anxiously, but continued to watch the Sorting in silence. He found himself wondering about the werewolf his parents had so clearly been terrified by at the beginning of August.

When the last first year had been sorted, Professor Dumbledore rose and delivered his customary welcome back speech and introduced yet another Defense professor. Food appeared on all of the tables and a dull roar of conversation filled the Great Hall.

Remus hadn't had much of an appetite since the full moon and he looked at the food on the table with dread. He knew that, despite wanting to do nothing other than crawl into bed, he had to eat something to keep his friends from fretting over him, but before he could make a choice, James dropped a steak on his plate.

"That one's yours," he winked.

Remus cut into it and realized that, although it wasn't quite as rare as he preferred his meat to be, it was far rarer than any of the meat he'd ever had at Hogwarts.

"I had a word with the house elves at the end of last year," he explained. Remus grinned gratefully. The moment he took a bite he felt better than he had all day and silently scolded himself for not eating earlier.

By the time dessert appeared on the table, Remus was laughing and joking with his friends, again. Memories from his last transformation seemed to finally fade away and he felt that he had never been happier to be back at Hogwarts.


	3. Chapter 3: Soap and Unicorns

**A/N: This chapter is very, very late and I'm extremely sorry. I recently moved and it completely changed my schedule and I'm just getting to a point where I can fit "writing fanfiction" back in. Fear not, the next chapter will not be nearly so late. Please read and review. Thanks!**

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Chapter 3: Soap and Unicorns

Remus sat under an enormous beech tree with Lily in comfortable silence. James was at quidditch practice and Sirius had left to help him out—he swore he'd never join the team, but between Dorcas Meadowes graduating at the end of last year and James' constant pleading, it didn't seem likely that Sirius would be able to hold out much longer. Peter was studying in the library and although Remus knew he should join him, he couldn't bring himself to sit inside when the weather was so nice.

Both he and Lily had brought their schoolbooks along with them, with every intention of studying outside, but neither one had taken any notes.

With a minute sigh, Remus set his Care of Magical Creatures textbook aside, giving up on maintaining the illusion of work.

He couldn't believe it had only been two weeks since the start of term. With all of the homework he and the other fourth years had, it felt as though they'd been at school for months already.

"Can I borrow your History of Magic notes?" Lily asked. Remus smiled to himself as he reached into his bag to pull out the parchment—some things never changed.

"You know," he said thoughtfully, "I saw an older edition of this year's textbook in the library the other day—I'm sure it's the same one Professor Binns is teaching out of."

Lily rolled her eyes, "Your notes are better."

Remus blushed slightly at the compliment.

"I don't think I've actually asked you how your summer went yet…" She added as she scanned through his notes.

Suddenly finding the grass much more interesting, Remus replied tightly, "It was fine. We moved."

Lily gasped, "Oh! Oh, that's right! Marlene told me about the attack in Pentrich! I was surprised I hadn't heard about it earlier, but I guess my parents' house isn't the best place to stay up-to-date on wizarding news." She quirked a smile and Remus did his best to seem relaxed.

"Did they ever find whoever…?" She trailed off.

It was an innocent question really, but Remus' hand tightened convulsively on a patch of grass on the ground beside him.

"No. Whoever it was, probably didn't stick around for long, but my parents didn't feel safe there anymore."

"I can't imagine what it must be like for whoever it was..."

"What?" Remus thought he'd misheard her.

"Well, it was a werewolf attack, right?" Remus stubbornly refused to reply, but Lily carried on, "What would it be like to wake up one morning and realize that you've killed somebody?"

Nausea engulfed him and he began debating whether or not he could run away at that very moment without looking suspicious. It seemed very unlikely.

"I don't know," he said quietly instead, trying to ignore the bile which burned his throat.

"Oh god," Lily breathed and Remus felt panic set in.

Had she put two and two together? Remus wasn't the one who killed that little girl, but it was very suspicious that his family had moved away right after the attack. If Lily associated the word 'werewolf' with him in any capacity, he was certain it wouldn't be long until she found out the truth. His heart was thudding painfully by the time she continued.

"You didn't know the girl who was killed, did you? Oh Remus, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, I'm being completely insensitive!" Remus let out a shaky breath of relief.

"No! No, I didn't know her." He nearly smiled before he reined his emotions back in, "It was just a stressful summer for my parents and I, that's all."

"Things are changing," Lily murmured softly. "I keep hearing rumours about these Knights of Walpurgis and Sev is—" She stopped short and Remus glanced at her.

"'Severus is' what?"

It was Lily's turn to try to hide her panic.

"Nothing, never mind. Forget that I said anything," her cheeks flushed crimson. "Where are your moronic friends?" It was a hasty and painfully obvious redirection of the conversation, but Remus was in no position to protest.

"Quidditch practice," he replied as opened his Care of Magical Creatures textbook again and set it back on his lap.

"Typical," her distain was only half-hearted. "We have three essays due next week and all they care about is the next match. If they aren't careful, they're going to fail out of school."

Remus hummed in reply, deciding not to point out that without really trying, James and Sirius still managed to earn nearly perfect scores in just about every subject.

Lily huffed in irritation; she'd learned long ago how to tell when the werewolf was only keeping quiet to avoid a confrontation.

"Can I see your Defense notes?" she asked eventually.

"Of course," he handed her another stack of papers and began reading the section on unicorns in his textbook.

They settled back into a comfortable silence which lasted roughly fifteen minutes before James' voice disrupted them.

"Oi! Remus!"

He heard Lily swear under her breath as the two dark-haired Gryffindors made their way over to the beech tree.

Both boys were covered in dirt and sweat and Remus found himself wondering how anyone could get so filthy playing an air-based sport.

"Guess who's finally agreed to be our new keeper!" James patted Sirius roughly on the back and Sirius rolled his eyes.

"Right, I '_agreed_' to it," he exaggerated the word and laughed, "I was, in no way, recruited against my will."

Out of the corner of his eye, Remus noticed that Lily had begun to pack up her things.

"What's the matter, Evans?" Sirius taunted, "Don't want to spend time with your _boyfriend's_ mates?"

She continued packing without bothering to acknowledge Sirius' comment, but Remus saw the pained look on James' face at the word 'boyfriend' and shot his friend a warning glance but Sirius ignored him and pressed on.

"Come on, Evans. We can't be _all_ bad, Remus likes us after all," Lily's face was gradually turning red with her irritation, "And I'm sure your friend, McKinnon, has some nice things to say about me too," he winked suggestively and Lily groaned.

"You're repulsive."

"Wait!" James shouted a little too enthusiastically as the red head stood to leave, "You should stay!" Lily looked at him as though he'd just confessed his deep admiration for Snape. Even Sirius gawked at his friend.

"I, uh…" The messy-haired boy looked around uncertainly, apparently at a loss for a reason _why_ she needed to stay. He glanced between Remus and Sirius, looking mildly panicked. "I need your help…" he continued.

"My help?" Lily sounded more annoyed than curious.

Remus watched his friend's face carefully: clearly feeling trapped by the situation, James' expression suddenly became closed and the werewolf knew what was about to happen.

"Snivellus needs an intervention. I swear, he leaves a trail of slime everywhere he goes," Lily looked positively murderous, "Since you're so close and all, I was wondering if you could pass this along to him for me?" He waved his wand and levitated a rock from the ground before quickly turning it into a bar of soap.

The gesture was lacking James' normal creativity and was an incredibly obvious and desperate attempt to backpedal, but Sirius laughed hard anyways and Lily still hit James with a hex that made soap bubbles pour out of his ears.

"Thank you for letting me borrow your notes, Remus," she said sweetly straightening her robes as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened, "I'll get them back to you after dinner." And she headed back towards the castle.

Sirius had begun trying to undo Lily's hex and Remus gave James a pointed look.

"What?" he asked, defensively.

"A bar of soap? Really?"

"I don't know," he shrugged, "It was a heat of the moment choice."

"I thought it was funny, mate," Sirius added reassuringly, "Simple but classic."

"Thanks." James blushed and turned his head slightly to watch Lily march away.

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Since choosing it as one of his elective subjects in third year, Care of Magical Creatures had been one of Remus' favourite classes; but as Professor Kettleburn emerged from the Forbidden Forest with three unicorns (an adult and two foals) in tow, it became clear that today's lesson was going to be anything but pleasant.

The mare had barely made it into the lecture area before she began to whicker nervously.

"That's quite normal," Professor Kettleburn explained distractedly as tried to settle the creature down, "Mature unicorns are often skittish around people, particularly men. Unicorn foals on the other hand are much more trusting." Some of the students cooed as one of the golden foals nuzzled the other.

Kettleburn secured the mare to a fence post and invited the girls in the class to slowly and gently approach her, while he lead the two foals towards the boys. The closer they got to the group, the more nervous they seemed to become; when they were only a few meters away, one of the foals tried to break free and run back towards the forest, but Kettleburn's tether spell held tight.

"Alright, these two seem a little more anxious than usual, it must be the crowd. I need all of you to take a couple of steps back… There, perfect. Now, I'm going to have you approach them two at a time. Remember to do so slowly to avoid startling them. First, Mr. Parker and Mr. Belby."

The two Ravenclaw boys managed to reach the foals without incident; as they began stroking the unicorns, Professor Kettleburn turned his attention back towards the girls.

"Ms. McKinnon, please refrain from feeding the unicorn!" Marlene jumped and dropped the handful of grass she'd been holding.

The lesson wore on, Professor Kettleburn rambled off information about unicorns as he attempted to supervise both groups of students. Things appeared to be going smoothly until Remus and Peter started to approach the foals.

Both unicorns reared back suddenly and desperately, whinnying out of fear. The mare, sensing her foals' distress, began thrashing erratically, trying to break free.

"What happened?" Kettleburn shouted as he hurried over to where Remus and Peter stood rooted on the spot. "What did you boys do?!"

"N-nothing!" Peter stammered.

Remus tried to take a step back, but at his slightest movement, the unicorns' panic seemed to double. At that moment, he realized that the creatures were trying to get away from _him_, the monster.

Heat raced to his cheeks.

"Look down at the ground and take a few slow steps back," Kettleburn instructed, Remus and Peter obeyed. Gradually they inched further and further away until the unicorn foals had enough space to calm down.

Remus could feel the curious stares of all the other students focusing on him; even Kettleburn was watching him with complete bewilderment.

"I think it would be best if we conclude today's lesson early," the professor announced finally, "Please read chapter 8 of your textbooks and summarize the information for next week's lesson."

The class disbanded but Remus remained frozen in place. He watched as Professor Kettleburn worked to guide the unicorns back into the woods.

A hand patted his back and made him jump, he whirled around to find James, Sirius, and Peter still standing behind him, looking uncharacteristically solemn. All four of them knew what had just happened.

"Come on, let's go grab lunch," James said eventually with a small smile.

Remus nodded mutely and followed his friends towards the castle, feeling suddenly exhausted.


	4. Chapter 4: With Friends Like These

**A/N: Hello again everyone. I hope you enjoy this slightly longer than usual chapter! Please read and review. **

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Chapter 4: With Friends Like These

"Let's go exploring tonight," Sirius said as he lay on his back, staring at his bed canopy. "We haven't done that in ages."

"You can go if you'd like, but I need to stay in and study," Remus replied, never looking up from his Transfiguration textbook.

Sirius let out a frustrated groan, "All you ever do anymore is study!"

"Well, it may have escaped your notice, but we have a lot of schoolwork now…" His tone was a little harsher than he'd intended it to be.

"We all know that you've already finished McGonagall's essay, Remus… So why are you still studying for Transfiguration when we could be raiding the dungeons?"

"I need to read ahead," he replied tightly.

"You 'need to read ahead'?" Sirius' tone was teetering on mocking, "Tell me, why do you _need_ to read ahead?"

"Oh, I don't know, Sirius: what's happening in four days?" he snapped back.

"What're you talking about? I—oh," the dark-haired boy seemed to deflate instantly, "Sorry, I forgot."

Remus shot a glance at his friend's repentant face and sighed, "It's alright. I'm just feeling stressed—the timing this month is bad."

"You know that we'll take notes for you," James chimed in. "And if that's not enough, we'll walk you through whatever was covered in class while you were away."

"Thanks," he muttered gratefully.

"I'm with Sirius though," James continued, "I think that tonight should be a study-free night. You need it and Peter _definitely_ needs it, I think his head might explode otherwise."

At the mention of his name, Peter finally looked up from the pile of paper scattered in front of him.

"What?" he asked densely. Sirius laughed and Remus couldn't suppress a reluctant smile.

"Any chance we could make this a short adventure? If I can't spend the evening studying, I'd at least like to spend some of it catching up on sleep."

"Sleep is for the weak," Sirius replied with a mischievous grin on his face.

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Half an hour later, all four boys were standing by the Great Lake. The school grounds were semi illuminated by the nearly full moon and Remus was doing his best to ignore the way the intense moonlight was making his skin ever so slightly itchy.

"So, what's the plan?" he asked, glancing back at the castle warily.

"Well, I'm going to give you lot a choice," Sirius announced, "We can go swimming in the lake or we can explore the Forbidden Forest."

"Are you mad!?" Peter cried, "We can't go into the forest, not at night!"

"Yeah, I think Peter's right about this one," Remus agreed.

"How're you scared?" Sirius laughed, "We've been in the forest loads of times!"

"Yes, during the day," the werewolf pointed out, "Exploring it at night isn't the same thing at all."

"Are you forgetting that there are _things_ in the forest?" Peter had gone wide-eyed.

"Are you kidding me? You hang around with a _werewolf_, Pete! What do you think we're going to run into?" He shot his friend a quick apologetic look, "Sorry Remus, but you know what I mean…"

"I'd rather face the creatures in the forest than the ones in the lake," James finally weighed in.

"What do you mean?" Peter asked, "What's in the lake?"

"You'd be surprised: merfolk, grindylows, the giant squid," Remus said, counting off on his fingers, "Not to mention the fact that the water would be absolutely freezing right now…"

Sirius grinned, "Well, that settles it then!"

Faster than anyone could react, Sirius had stripped down to his boxers and proceeded to run towards the lake. He dove in with an enormous splash and when he re-surfaced he let out a particularly high-pitched shriek.

"Merlins' balls! That's cold!" He gasped as he splashed wildly. "Right, everyone in!" He instructed. James laughed.

"Yeah, right!" He scoffed, "There's _no way_ I'm jumping in there, you dolt!"

"What's the matter, Potter? Don't want to get your hair wet?" Sirius taunted.

James ran his hand through his mop of black hair anxiously and both Remus and Peter started snickering. James shot them a poisonous glare before he started scrambling to get undressed.

Without a moments' hesitation, James dove into the lake. He was under the water for quite some time and in the darkness it was impossible to spot him. Just as the three remaining boys started to get worried, there was an eruption in the water next to Sirius and James lunged at his friend with alarming speed—tackling Sirius, who let out a decidedly unmanly squeal of surprise.

"What did you say about my hair again?" He challenged as Sirius laughed and squirmed to get away.

Once he'd managed to put some space between himself and James, Sirius turned back and called to Remus and Peter, "Alright, half way there! Peter, it's your turn!"

Peter eyed the black water nervously, "I dunno…"

"Oh, come on!" Sirius whined, "Just do it! Get in!"

"You can do it, Peter!" James called out encouragingly, "Once you're in for a few seconds, it's not so bad!" The smallest Marauder shuffled uncertainly.

"Come on Pete, don't be a baby!"

"Peter! Peter! Peter!" James began chanting. Catching on quickly, Sirius joined in, "Peter! Peter! Peter!"

The chant worked and Peter, grinning ear to ear, stripped and waded into the water, cringing each time the water got a little deeper. When he was finally up to waist, he stopped for a moment before dunking his head under the waves.

"Holy shit!" He screeched when he shot back up a second later, "That's cold!"

Remus' laughter was cut off abruptly as he realized that all three boys were now watching him expectantly.

"That chant isn't going to work on me, lads," he shook his head.

"Please Remus! This is probably the last chance we'll get to go swimming for ages!" James begged.

The werewolf looked around the shore carefully. Despite knowing about and accepting his condition, his friends had never seen him anything other than fully clothed—perhaps they'd caught glimpses of his scarred forearms here and there, but the thought of them seeing him in nothing but his boxers was overwhelming.

"Come on, Remus!" Peter shouted, "James is right: once you get used to it, it's not so bad!"

_Don't ruin this for them,_ Remus thought to himself. _Peter did it, I can do this too_! _It's dark out, they'll never see my scars anyways…_

With one, final, anxious glance around their surroundings, Remus removed his robes and his trousers. The other Marauders cheered and he couldn't help but laugh and shake his head: they really were ridiculous sometimes.

Then his fingers brushed against his original bite scar, which was currently hot to the touch, through his t-shirt and felt his boldness evaporate. Remus hesitated.

Sirius was the first to realize the true reason behind Remus' reluctance to get in the water and shouted out, "It's okay to leave it on! Just get in here, now! I'm about to get hypothermia!"

Taking a deep breath and not allowing himself a chance to second guess what he was about to do, Remus sprinted towards the shore and dove in head first. The water was so cold, it took his breath away. When he reached the surface he gasped, "Good Godric! That's brisk!"

All four boys started laughing.

They swam around for some time, but once Sirius couldn't speak without chattering his teeth, they climbed out and retreated back to their very warm, very dry dormitory.

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Despite his best efforts to make it to his classes on Tuesday morning, the full moon that night left Remus feeling so sick he couldn't make it through breakfast without having to run to the nearest washroom.

With nothing in his stomach, the werewolf dry heaved into the toilet for several minutes before he heard the stall door creak open and a hand patted his back.

"It's time to go see Madam Pomfrey," Peter said gently and Remus shook his head miserably.

"We've got a Potions' test this morning…"

"Professor Slughorn will understand," he replied.

"It's not going to get easier, Peter," he sighed, sitting up slowly. His stomach was still very upset, but he didn't feel as though he was about to retch again immediately. "I can't keep missing class like this every month." He pressed his hand to his mouth, suddenly remembering that they weren't somewhere private.

Peter looked around the bathroom carefully, making sure it was empty. "It's okay," he said with a smile.

"It's not though," he sighed again as he struggled to pull himself to his feet.

"This summer was bad, Peter. It was very bad." Tears of frustration started to burn his eyes and he took a shaky breath to settle himself. "It's taking longer to recover and I just can't afford to miss that much class."

"Remus, I…" Peter appeared to be at a loss for words as he watched the werewolf worriedly.

With yet another heavy sigh, Remus shook his head, "I'm sorry Peter. I didn't mean to let you see me like this. I'm just tired and feeling sorry for myself right now, I'll get over it." He tried to grin to show his sincerity but he suspected it looked more like a grimace.

Peter, who now looked slightly ill, nodded shakily at his friend, "Come on."

Remus followed Peter out to the hall where James and Sirius were waiting.

"Feeling better?" James asked.

"Much," he replied with a smile he hoped didn't look as fake as it felt.

Together they made their way to the hospital wing.

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The rest of the morning passed in a queasy blur. Despite Madam Pomfrey's anti-nausea potion, Remus wasn't even able to keep water down. Violent nightmares made it impossible to nap and the werewolf could only lie in bed and think about the Potions test he was currently missing.

Just after lunch, the Marauders stopped by for a visit. He thanked them for the notes they'd brought him, but as it reached the time they normally left at, the boys exchanged meaningful glances.

James spoke first.

"Remus, there's something we need to tell you…"

His friend's solemn tone set the werewolf on edge and he sat up a little straighter.

"We wanted it to be a surprise but we've hit an obstacle and need your help," Sirius explained.

"What're you talking about?" asked Remus.

"We've found a way to help you," James smiled warmly.

"Look, I really appreciate the thought but I don't think there's any—"

"We become animagi," Sirius cut him off.

James shot his friend an annoyed look and hastily added, "Before you freak out, please just let us explain."

"Animagi?" Remus frowned, it was hard to think clearly with his head pounding the way it was, "Like Professor McGonagall?"

"Yes," Peter nodded enthusiastically. "Werewolves only hunt humans and you won't be able to infect us when we're in animal form."

"You'd still be human though…" Remus' mind was struggling to grasp what his friends were saying.

"Physically, a transformed animagus is no different than whatever animal they turn into. Mentally though, they're still human. We've looked into it: a transformed werewolf can't hurt an animagus."

"We wouldn't have spent all of last year researching how to become animagi unless we were completely certain it would work, trust me." Sirius added.

"You researched it all of last year?" Remus felt faint.

"Yeah," Peter smiled at him, "Of course! We can keep you company on full moons as animals and stop you from hurting yourself…"

His heart ached at the idea but reason took over.

"That sounds _extremely_ illegal."

"Well…" James ruffled his hair sheepishly, "It is."

"You would go to Azkaban if you got caught."

"We know," Sirius replied solemnly.

"People have died trying to complete the process." His knowledge on animagi was limited but he knew that much.

"They just didn't prepare properly," James' gaze never wavered.

"No." The word had left his tongue before he could properly register it.

"No?" Sirius frowned.

Remus' mind finally seemed to catch up to his mouth and he continued, "You can't. I won't let you do this. I won't let you throw your lives away to help me!"

"Remus, we _want_ to do this," Sirius reached out to grab his hand but the werewolf flinched away.

"No! Don't do this! I don't want you to do this. I-I'll be fine on my own," he stammered, "Really. I'll find another way. I'll be okay. Don't do this. Please. Please don't do this!" He shouted, feeling as though he was about to completely unravel.

"What's going on in here?" Remus' shouting had drawn Madam Pomfrey to the back room and she eyed the Marauders suspiciously.

"Nothing," Sirius replied, automatically.

The nurse turned her attention to the werewolf, looking for confirmation: he couldn't control the way his chest heaved with rapid, panic breaths though and she narrowed her eyes.

"Alright, I think that's quite enough excitement for today. Mr. Lupin needs rest, you boys can come by and see him tomorrow."

The Marauders headed towards the door without protest, but in the threshold, James paused.

"Please just think about it…"

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That night, the wolf was unstoppable. It smashed against the walls, clawing and chewing everything in sight until it turned on itself.

An hour before the moon had set, the screams and howls coming from the shack died and the wolf remained unconscious through the transformation back into a human.

It was hours before Remus finally woke up in the dimly lit hospital wing room to find Sirius sitting in a chair beside his bed. A tiny whimper escaped his throat but it was enough alert his friend.

"Remus?"

"What do you need me to do?" He'd never felt quite so defeated before.


	5. Chapter 5: The Boggart

**A/N: Hi all, here's a slightly longer than usual update. Due to its length I've got to warn you that I haven't proofread it as carefully as I should, so I hope there aren't too many typos. Thanks so much for all of your reviews so far, I've said it before and I'll say it again: they make my day brighter. Please read and review! Thanks.**

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Chapter 5: The Boggart

The first full moon of the school year was usually hard on Remus, but even so, the severity of his wounds the next morning caught everyone off guard.

He'd been unconscious for nearly a full day. After lots of begging, Professor McGonagall and Madam Pomfrey had given his friends special permission to stay in the Hospital Wing overnight where they had taken turns staying up, waiting for him to regain consciousness.

He spent another four days in the Hospital Wing. The Marauders would stop by regularly with notes and animated recreations of the lectures he'd missed; none of them mentioned animagi again and a small part of him hoped it had been forgotten entirely.

On the morning of the fifth day, filled with enough potions to restore a corpse to life, Remus was finally allowed to return to the Gryffindor Tower.

The common room was empty as breakfast hadn't started yet, so Remus dragged himself up to the fourth year boys' dormitory. When he swung open the door, he expected to find the other boys still fast asleep; he even hoped to join them and get another half hour or so of rest before breakfast, but instead, he found James, Sirius, and Peter sitting in a circle on the floor, pouring over several very old looking books.

"Speak of the devil," James grinned as the werewolf closed the door behind him.

"What's going on?" he asked, wearily.

"Animagus research," Sirius replied with way too much enthusiasm for such an early hour.

Remus moaned, "Please don't tell me you're still going on about that. I told you: I don't want you to do this."

"That's what you said _at first_," Sirius interjected, "But _then_ you said you wanted to help us, strongly implying that you wanted us to move ahead with it…"

"I never—" Remus had hoped that he'd imagined that moment in the Hospital Wing with Sirius, or, if he hadn't imagined it, that his friend had correctly dismissed it as a moment of pain-induced weakness but his Sirius cut him off.

"We've spent over a year on this already. We're doing it, with or without your help; but we both know that if you're helping the likelihood of horrifying consequences will drop drastically."

Remus clenched and unclenched his hands anxiously as he silently prayed that his friends would see reason.

"I won't let you come to the Shrieking Shack with me… If you do this, you'll just be wasting your time." He wished he sounded more convincing and firm.

"We'll go through with it anyways," James didn't sound petulant or angry; his tone was calm and determined.

"Please don't do this," he begged as a last ditch effort.

"You'll kill yourself if we don't," Peter finally spoke up.

Although his friend sounded genuinely frightened, Remus couldn't bother to comfort him and instead scoffed, "Don't be ridiculous Peter! I've gone through this every month for a decade. I'm not going to die."

"You haven't heard the statistics…" Sirius frowned.

"What are you talking about? What statistics?" Remus replied, feeling more and more irritable.

"As you go through puberty, so does the wolf…"

Remus rolled his eyes, but Sirius continued, undeterred.

"The hormones combined with a larger body makes the wolf far more vicious than a normal adult werewolf… Werewolf mortality rates shoot through the roof between ages 13 and 17 for precisely that reason."

Remus frowned. What his friends were saying seemed to make sense, but he'd never heard of such a thing and he had done _plenty_ of research on the subject of werewolves.

"I don't know where you heard such nonsense, but—"

"It's not nonsense!" Peter cried out. "Madam Pomfrey told us!"

Remus' frown deepened, "She's never said anything to me about it…"

"She didn't want to scare you," James sighed.

Remus was silent for a moment as he processed this new information.

"So the only answer is for you three to risk your freedom, sanity, and lives?" he asked as he sank down on to his bed.

"Yes. Unless you've got a cure for lycanthropy hidden away somewhere… You don't, do you?" Sirius quirked his head to the side.

The werewolf shook his head and fixed his attention on his hands.

"So, will you help us?" James asked gently.

With a tired sighed, he nodded, "Against my better judgment..."

James handed him a small stack of paper.

"You're the only one who takes Ancient Runes," the messy-haired boy explained.

Remus let out an overly dramatic groan as he thumbed through the pages.

"I have _actual_ schoolwork to catch up on—you know that, right?"

"Think of it as an extra credit assignment," Sirius grinned.

The werewolf lay back on his bed, exhausted, and shut his eyes.

"Just wake me up when breakfast starts."

"That's in five minutes," said Peter.

"I'll take it," he groaned before grabbing a pillow and resting it on top of his face in an attempt to block out some of the light and sound.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Despite his initial reluctance to help, Remus took the translation very seriously. Sirius was right: their chances for success would be better if he helped, and, since they couldn't be convinced to not do it, he might as well help as much as he could.

Three days later, he handed over the final translation.

"Mandrake leaves?" Sirius asked skeptically as he glanced up from the papers.

Remus nodded, "That's what it says…"

"You have to keep one in your mouth for a whole month?" James frowned as he read over Sirius' shoulder.

"It appears so," the werewolf shrugged.

"Won't it start to rot?" Peter looked slightly green, "And what happens if you accidentally swallow it!?"

"I'll say it again: you really don't have to do this."

He'd meant it sincerely, but James and Sirius took it as a challenge to their commitment and quickly became defensive.

"So we have to suck on a leaf for a month, so what?" Sirius exclaimed boldly, "That's easy!"

"Yeah!" James agreed with enthusiasm, "I bet I can even find a spell to help hold it in place!"

Peter still looked somewhat hesitate but had a hard time disagreeing with James and Sirius so he nodded weakly.

"Just one problem, lads," Remus interjected, "Professor Sprout's mandrakes are still barely seedlings right now."

Sirius and James groaned but Peter piped in, "Professor Slughorn may have some from last year."

"Shouldn't they be fresh leaves?" Sirius asked uncertainly and Remus felt three pairs of eyes fix onto him.

He raised his hands, "Don't look at me. Ancient runes aren't really good for detailed descriptions."

Sirius grunted, "Well, I'd like to know whether or not dried mandrake leaves will work before I have one sit in my mouth for a month!"

"This part of the process can't only exist in runic form," said Remus.

"The ministry keeps a very tight watch on any books or instructions about the subject, we were lucky to find it at all," James explained. "We should at least _try_ Slughorn's supply room. I mean, there's no guarantee he'll have any anyways…"

"Yeah, alright," Sirius consented.

All four boys could no longer fit under James' invisibility cloak at the same time. Remus was perfectly happy to stay behind in the common room while the other three broke into the supply room, but Sirius insisted that he come along as a lookout. When Remus suggested that Peter would make a perfectly good lookout, Sirius replied that they needed someone who could lie to the professors with a straight-face. The werewolf wasn't especially proud of that particular talent of his even though it had gotten the Marauders out of more tight spots than could be counted; still, he begrudgingly agreed.

It turned out to be a very good thing that Remus had tagged along because the moment they swung open the door to Slughorn's office, they ran into the portly professor grading papers at his desk.

With only the briefest annoyed glare at the patch of air where he suspected his friends were currently standing, cramped under the cloak, Remus strode over to the Potion master's desk.

"Sorry to barge in like this, sir, but I had a question about my make-up paper." Remus saw the storage room door open and close silently.

"Yes, yes, of course Mr. Lupin! That's precisely what my office hours are for," he chuckled nervously.

Although Professor Slughorn had never been anything other than polite and understanding with him, the potions' teacher was clearly the most uncomfortable with Remus' lycanthropy out of all of the staff members who knew about his condition. Not that Remus could blame him, of course.

It was with an extremely guilty conscious that Remus used his professor's nervousness against him: he began calmly discussing the thesis of his paper and every so often, he flashed an intentionally wolfish grin which caused Slughorn to become progressively more jittery.

When Remus caught sight of the storage room door opening and closing again behind Slughorn's head, he grinned one last time before thanking him for his advice and saying that he'd turn in the paper first thing the next morning.

"Ah, yes. Very good. Thank you Mr. Lupin," the relief on his face was intense. Remus tried not to take it personally and reminded himself that Professor Slughorn had never been petty or mean to him.

Once he'd managed to put a good deal of distance between himself and Slughorn's office, he spun around to face the patch of air where he instinctively knew his friends were.

"You owe me," he grumbled. James slid off the cloak, revealing all three boys, still squashed awkwardly together. "Did you find anything, at least?"

Peter held out a very dusty clay jar, in faded black letters on the side, Remus was just able to make out the words "Mandrake Leaves".

"You took the _whole_ jar?!" He panicked.

"This was all we could find," Peter grimaced. "We found it under one of the shelves, it must've fallen under there ages ago. He'll never know it's gone."

The jar trembled suddenly, making the Marauders jump.

"What the bloody hell was that?" James asked, wide-eyed. He'd instinctively drawn his wand.

"I don't know, but I suspect it wasn't the mandrake leaves," Sirius replied mildly.

Peter pushed it into James' hands and took a large step back.

"Open it," Sirius cocked his head to the side curiously.

"I'm not going to open it!" James cried indignantly. "_You_ open it!" He thrust the trembling jar towards his friend, but Sirius took a quick step back.

"No way! Not it!" He shouted.

"Not it!" James and Remus said almost simultaneously.

"Not it!" Peter chimed in a split second later, his face fell immediately as James passed the jar back to him.

"Sorry, mate."

"What if it attacks me?" Peter whined.

James groaned, "Don't be such a chicken! Here," while Peter held the jar, James used his wand to pop off the lid. With a loud _splat_ a large, slimy grey blob fell on to the floor.

"Ew!" James scrunched up his face.

"What is it?" Peter asked, having recovered from his fear, as he tapped the writhing mass with his shoe.

Clearly posing no immediate threat, James squatted down next to it, examining it closely.

"It kind of looks like a headless slug," he said, squinting.

"Not a flesh-eating slug, is it?" Peter asked a little apprehensively.

"No," he poked the blob with the butt of his wand, "it's definitely just a regular oversized, headless slug."

"Ugh," he groaned and covered his nose with his sleeve, "It smells rancid."

"Is it alive?" Sirius asked, peering over.

"I think so," James poked the blob again. "I don't know how. It must've been in that jar for ages."

"And there's nothing else in here," Peter held the empty jar upside down to prove his point.

Something clicked in Remus' mind and he grinned.

"It's a boggart," he announced.

"I thought boggarts were supposed to be scary," Sirius sounded slightly disappointed.

"They are. This one's just confused," he laughed, "It's trying to scare James and Peter at the same time."

"It's not doing a very good job, is it?" James asked as he poked it yet again.

"Well, don't torment the poor thing," Remus rolled his eyes, "Put it back in the jar!"

"What are we supposed to do with it then?"

A mischievous grin stretched across the werewolf's face.

"I have an idea," he said.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Less than half an hour later, the Marauders were camped outside the Slytherin common room, partially hidden thanks to James' cloak.

A couple of enchantments had spruced up the dusty old jar and it now glittered silver with several large emeralds embedded into the side.

"Do you think it's too obviously a trap?" James hissed.

"No, all snakes love shiny things," Sirius whispered back.

"Quiet!" Remus breathed.

Walden Macnair, a seventh year Slytherin prefect, noticed the jar just as he was about to return to his common room. He stared at it for a while before he tapped it with his foot, in response it shook a little, causing Macnair to jump. Once he'd recovered from the initial shock, the burly Slytherin squatted down to pick it up.

Remus felt Sirius jab Peter with his elbow when Peter started nervously giggling.

"Open it," James mouthed apprehensively.

The seventh-year put his ear up to the jar and shook it, experimentally. The seconds dragged on, and, cramped as they were, the Marauders found themselves growing more and more impatient. Finally Macnair opened the jar and out popped an oversized bat which began flying around the Slytherin's head.

Macnair dropped the jar immediately, let out a terrified shriek, and proceeded to run down the hallway at a remarkable speed. He was followed closely by the determined boggart.

Sirius and James were laughing so hard, they fell over and brought Remus and Peter down with them.

"Oh Merlin," James wheezed, "Macnair's scared of _bats_?!"

"Who would've thought that a psycho like Macnair could be so afraid of a bloody bat!?" Sirius cackled.

"You learn something new every day," Remus grinned.


	6. Chapter 6: Headed to Hogsmeade

**A/N: Setting up for lots of drama in the next chapter—please read and review. Thank you!**

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Chapter 6: Headed to Hogsmeade

Last Remus had heard, the boggart had taken up residence in an abandoned broom closet in the dungeons.

Word of Macnair's bat phobia spread like wildfire, although the werewolf wasn't certain _how_: James and Sirius typically kept quiet about their successful (and detention-worthy) pranks. It was, however, common knowledge that Macnair often used his Prefect badge to lord over other students so it wasn't exactly surprising that the story became so popular.

Luckily, no one had tried to identify the prankster(s) who'd left the jar outside the Slytherin common room, but for every prank the Marauders managed to get away with, it seemed as though they got caught red-handed for another two. Unfortunately for the other three, Remus wasn't around to bail them out when a minor prank on Snape turned into a particularly nasty fight which sent Sirius to the hospital wing for the rest of the afternoon with a long cut on his forearm that refused to heal.

James, Sirius, Peter, and Severus were all given a week's worth of detention and were barred from the first Hogsmeade weekend of the year.

After plenty of complaints about the cruel and unusual punishments McGonagall handed out, the other Marauders created a master list of 'supplies' they wanted Remus to pick up for them. The Gryffindor boys had already found three secret passages to Hogsmeade, but unfortunately, the town residents were quick to report students who were seen around town outside of the normal visiting days.

Remus wasn't certain that he even wanted to go into town without his friends: without their distracting antics, the Shrieking Shack's presence seemed to loom over all of Hogsmeade and his mind, like an ominous cloud. And of course there was _always_ one slightly senile, old woman sitting in the Three Broomsticks who would complain bitterly about the disrupting noises that came from the Shack some nights—James and Sirius often used it as an excuse to start a loud and passionate debate about the ridiculous ways the 'spirits' in the shack had died. The werewolf's personal favourite was James' suggestion that they had been murdered by a blood-thirsty demon rabbit.

At dinner, the night before the Hogsmeade visit, Remus couldn't help but moan as Sirius snatched the parchment from his hand and added 'mandrake leaves' to the already long list.

"Mandrake leaves are out of season," he pointed out as Sirius handed the list back to him, "If Slughorn doesn't have any, what makes you think I'll be able to find some in Hogsmeade?"

Sirius shrugged, "It can't hurt to look."

Remus scanned through more of the list, "_100_ dungbombs? Do you really need that many? Does Zonko's even have 100 dungbombs in stock? And what is 'miscellaneous novelties' referring to?"

"Just talk to Zonko himself, he'll show you all of the new items," James grinned.

"Oh come on!" Remus complained, "There's no way I'm going to find a fire crab shell! Why would you even want one?"

"I missed Reg's birthday last month," Sirius sighed.

"Has he ever expressed the desire to own a fire crab shell?" Remus asked mildly.

"Well, no…" Sirius admitted, "But he's a Slytherin and he loves Care of Magical Creatures—I figured that a fire crab shell is a perfect combination of those two things."

The werewolf let out an exasperated sigh, "Screw it. Fine, I'll see if I can find one."

Sirius grinned, "Thanks!"

"We'd better hurry," Peter interrupted, "McGonagall said that if we're late she'll give us another week's worth of detention."

And so Remus said goodbye to his friends and made his way up to the Common Room where he found Lily, reading her Defense Against the Dark Arts textbook by the fire. She looked up as he sat on the couch next to her and smiled at him.

"Are you looking forward to the trip tomorrow?"

Remus shrugged, "I've got a chore list; so I'm not particularly excited."

He held out the list for her to read.

"_100_ dungbombs?" She rolled her eyes. "I doubt that you'll find that many…"

"That's exactly what I said," Remus laughed.

"It just seems so excessive and wasteful," Lily sighed.

He nodded, "I agree, but it's their money, so..."

"And they expect you to spend your entire Saturday running errands for them while they sit in detention?" Remus could practically _feel_ the irritation coming off of her in waves.

"Well, some of it is for my benefit," he replied hesitantly as he eyed the words 'Mandrake Leaves' with guilt.

"I've got a better idea," Lily said as she began neatly folding the list, "We spend the day at the Three Broomsticks, drinking butterbeers instead."

Remus chuckled, "That does sound good, but I really ought to pick up what's on the list. Otherwise, James and Sirius will complain nonstop until the next visit."

Lily's grin faded.

"What?" Remus asked, in response, Lily began to look a little teary-eyed.

"Sev was supposed to take me but—"

The werewolf recoiled slightly, "No Lily, don't you dare!" But the red-head pressed on.

"I guess his stupid rivalry with your friends is just more important than me…" She even added a slight lip-quiver and Remus shook his head.

"Alright! Alright! I'll go to the Three Broomsticks with you!"

Lily smiled, satisfied.

"Merlin, Lily. I never would've pegged you as a manipulative sort."

"I'm not!" she cried indignantly, "Well… not usually, anyways. But over the last four years, I've learned how to press your buttons. You also tend to be quite a pushover," she said with an apologetic shrug.

Remus sighed.

"And, strictly out of curiosity, why not just go with Marlene and Alice?"

"Marlene's sick with the flu and Alice is going with Frank," she rolled her eyes. Alice and Frank had started dating over the summer vacation and despite adamantly denying and half-heartedly trying to conceal the fact, their relationship was common knowledge. "She said that she and Frank are just going as _friends_. Alice is a rubbish liar."

Remus laughed, "That's not always a bad thing, you know."

In response, Lily gave him a strange look but said nothing.

"Anyways," he continued, uncomfortable with her sudden silence, "I guess I'll meet you tomorrow morning by the carriages?"

Lily nodded, "Sounds good."

And with that Remus wandered up to his dormitory, wondering if he really was a pushover.

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The next morning, after being handed more galleons than he felt comfortable handling, Remus met Lily by the castle gates.

"Oh good, you're here," Alice looked a little too relieved as she waved goodbye to Lily and hurried over to where Frank Longbottom was standing beside an empty carriage, trying (and failing), to look casual. As soon as the pair disappeared into carriage, Remus and Lily could hear Alice giggling.

"Ahem!" Lily cleared her throat as loudly as she could and the giggling died—presumably thanks to one of Frank's silencing charms.

Turning back to face the werewolf, Lily rolled her eyes.

"Thank you for saving me from… _that_," she gestured to the carriage.

Remus smiled, "I'm always happy to help. How's Marlene feeling?"

"Not too well still, but…" she dug into her pocket, "I have my own 'shopping list' too now."

He laughed in reply.

Lily grinned cheekily back at him, "Who would've thought that being able-bodied and detention-free would be such a hassle?"

Remus shrugged and they climbed into an empty carriage.

Remus loved Hogsmeade. Although it was hard to ignore the Shrieking Shack's looming presence, the village itself looked like it had come straight from the pages of a fairy tale. As he and Lily stepped into the Three Broomsticks, he found himself reflecting on the fact that he could never hope to live there—not for any extended period of time anyways: he and his parents had a hard enough time concealing the true nature of his condition in mostly muggle towns, living in a village inhabited exclusively by witches and wizards would be the quickest way to wind up on the Werewolf Registry. And being on the Werewolf Registry would destroy any chance he had at some semblance of a normal life.

Lily shook him out of his thoughts as she returned to their little booth with two butterbeers in hand.

"Something on your mind?" she asked casually.

"I think Madam Rosemerta is disappointed that Sirius isn't here," he quickly lied. Lily twisted in her seat to look at the bar matron who, as it turned out, was looking at Remus curiously as if she'd never seen him without James, Sirius, and Peter surrounding him.

Lily laughed, "I'll never understand your friends' appeal."

He was about to reply that had very strong personalities, but he was suddenly distracted by a conversation happening two booths over.

"You're from Hogwarts, aren't you lad?" An old woman asked a sixth year Ravenclaw. Remus recognized her immediately and had to suppress the urge to groan.

"Well, yes…" the boy replied politely, clearly wanting nothing more than to be left alone.

"Tell that headmaster of yours that he must do something about the spirits in that eyesore on the edge of town!"

"I don't think—" the boy was cut off as the woman continued sharply.

"The noises coming from that shack keep the entire town awake! And the building is clearly in need of serious repair—it's unsightly and it detracts from the overall feel of the community!"

Remus pushed his butterbeer around the table anxiously. He tried to reassure himself that Dumbledore wouldn't let the residents of Hogsmeade demolish the shack, but still he worried about what he would do during the full moon if he couldn't go to the Shrieking Shack.

"Alright, I'll let him know!" the Ravenclaw replied sharply and the old woman scowled before shuffling away, complaining about the terrible manners of younger generations.

"Have you been?" Lily asked, making Remus jump slightly—he hadn't realized that he'd been so obvious with his eavesdropping.

"Been where?" He feigned disinterest.

"The Shrieking Shack," she smiled innocently and Remus had to fight the urge to fidget.

"No, I usually just stick to the main street," he took a big sip of his butterbeer in order to avoid Lily's gaze.

"I haven't been either—we should go see what all the fuss is about."

"I'm sure it's nothing exciting," Lily looked at him incredulously.

"Seriously? You're not even a little bit curious?" Remus shook his head, "But aren't you and your friends always going on ill-conceived 'adventures'?"

The werewolf snorted into his drink.

"We can have fun without them," she concluded.

"Do you mind if we go shopping first?" he suggested, hoping that by the time they were done running errands for their friends, Lily would've forgotten all about the Shrieking Shack.

With a shrug, the red-head agreed, "Sure."

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The shopping wasn't terribly successful for Remus: after two hours of stopping in every shop they passed, he'd only managed to check off half of his friends' list. Lily, on the other hand, had found the two books and the specific brand of hair product Marlene wanted in the first ten minutes.

As they reached the end of the main street, Lily snatched the list from Remus' fingers and sighed loudly.

"Fire Crabs are rare, you'll never find one in Hogsmeade. You'll probably never find this either," she reached into her bag, pulled out a pencil and began making notes, "Or this. Or this… That's not even a real thing… That's illegal. This can only be purchased in Suriname." She continued through the list and by the time she handed it back to him, there was nothing left to check off.

"There, now you're done," she gave him a smug grin, "Let's go to the Shrieking Shack."

Remus had shrunken down all of his purchases so that they fit in one paper bag which he hugged to his chest semi-defensively.

"I'm kind of tired…" He tried gently, but Lily laughed.

"Remus Lupin, are you _afraid_?"

"No!"

"Then why don't you want to go?"

"I just told you: I'm tired."

"It's only an extra five minutes. Come on."

With a weary sigh, Remus began shuffling towards the infamous hill behind Lily.


	7. Chapter 7: Bullies

**A/N: A little bit shorter than the previous couple of chapters, but it was time to start the slow build up to a series of events we all know are coming (many, many chapters from now). Thanks again for all of your feedback on this story so far! Please keep it up! **

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Chapter 7: Bullies

The Shrieking Shack was almost as horrible from the outside as it was from the inside. The last time Remus had had a proper look at the building, it had been in the dark of the night, but in sunlight it still managed to maintain its eerie and unsettling aura. The werewolf wondered if Dumbledore had added repelling wards to the long list of spells designed to keep him in and others out.

He felt the hairs rise on the back of his neck as he leaned up against the fence and he wasn't sure if it was the result of such a ward or if the wolf in him somehow knew he was in close proximity to its monthly prison.

"It certainly is creepy," Lily sighed as she leaned against the fence next to him. Remus suddenly felt as if they were spectators looking into an exhibit at a zoo. "But I don't hear any shrieking…"

"Disappointed?" he asked mildly.

"No. I don't think I could handle it right now if the spirits started screaming," she laughed nervously.

"Me neither," he knew, logically, that he was the only inhabitant of the Shrieking Shack with the exception of some mice and the occasional bat, but in the queasy twilight before the moon rose, when he sat in the house alone (sometimes for hours) he would wonder if it might be haunted after all. Not haunted by ghosts like the ones who lived at Hogwarts, of course, but by something darker and intangible.

He shut his eyes for a moment and swore that he could almost hear the faintest whimper of a wolf that had just finished transforming coming from inside. Under the right circumstances, could a person haunt a place even if they hadn't died yet?

That was probably a question his father had an answer for, but for the moment Remus could only stare at the Shack and be sharply reminded of what awaited him in less than a week's time.

"I don't like it here," Lily said in a hushed voice a few minutes later.

She was staring wide-eyed at the house, looking quite a bit paler than she had moments ago.

"Are you alright?"

She nodded, shakily, "Yes, I just… This isn't a good place."

Remus frowned, "There's nothing to be afraid of, Lily." He wasn't sure why he wanted to reassure her, the more afraid everyone was of the Shrieking Shack, the better off he was. The sudden need to calm her was overpowering, however.

"I'm not afraid," she said with a touch of defensiveness in her tone, "It's just very sad."

"What's sad?"

"I'm not sure," she looked just as confused as he felt, "All I know is that this place is very sad and I think we should head back into town now."

Remus watched her carefully for a moment—trying to determine if there was some hidden meaning or something being left unsaid.

"Don't give me that look."

"What look?"

"I _know_ it sounds crazy, but I just think we should leave."

"It doesn't sound crazy at all. In fact, I think you'll recall that _I _didn't want to come here in the first place," he smiled and chuckled half-heartedly. "Come on, let's go back to the pub, I could go for another butterbeer."

They walked back towards town in silence.

Outside of the Hog's Head Inn, they passed a group of Slytherins, Remus didn't give it a second thought until Lily tripped and landed hard—the contents of her shopping bag spilled out on to the ground in front of her.

Remus set his bag down quickly and helped her back up, ignoring Slytherins' obnoxious laughter. Lily's knees and palms were bleeding and he set about healing them as best he could as her cheeks steadily turned redder with embarrassment.

"Ignore them," he whispered, even as he felt an angry fire starting to burn in his chest.

He promptly ignored his own advice the second he heard Mulciber say, "Stupid mudblood."

If he hadn't already had his wand out in his hand, he suspected that the damage he would've inflicted would have been much worse. Luckily, his wand allowed him to focus onto Mulciber and, without uttering a single syllable, Remus instantly knocked the boy back nearly ten paces with a blast of white light.

"What did you say?!" he shouted angrily. His rage was so swift and so intense that all three Slytherins seemed incapable of action.

It was quite obvious that one of them had intentionally tripped her and their laughter only added insult to injury, but it was the use of the word 'mudblood' that finally caused him to snap so severely.

"Which one of you inbred sacks of scum tripped her?!"

In response he got only stunned silence. Somewhere behind him, he could hear Lily sniffling softly, clearly trying not to cry.

"Which one of you tripped her?" he repeated, this time slowly and coldly as he managed to reign in his temper.

Avery was the first to finally react: he hastily tried to pull out his wand but Remus disarmed him without batting an eyelash.

"Let's just go, Remus. They're not worth it," Lily called out. He paused for a moment, debating what to do before ultimately obeying. She was the injured party, after all.

As he bent down to pick up his shopping bag, Reginald Greengrass taunted him, "Do you always do whatever your girlfriend says, Lupin? Has she completely whipped the backbone out of you?"

Before he had a chance to say or do anything, Lily drew her wand and hit Greengrass with the Sardine Hex—dozens of sardines began pouring from his nose. Satisfied, she looped her arm around Remus' and began leading him away, back into town; luckily, the Slytherins didn't follow.

They managed to claim the last free booth at the Three Broomsticks (it seemed as though most students had decided to spend the rest of the afternoon there) and, after ordering another round of butterbeer, Remus quietly asked Lily if she was alright.

"Of course I'm alright," she rolled her eyes, "Why wouldn't I be?"

"Well…" he wasn't eager to bring up what had just happened, but he had a hard time believing that his friend completely unaffected.

"They were just assholes being assholes," Remus raised an eyebrow, "Honestly, if I'd been on my own, I think I would've been more upset. But watching you completely lose it for the first time on my behalf was very comforting."

He felt his cheeks turning red, "Er… yeah, sorry about that." He wondered if the impending full moon was already influencing his emotions—even he'd been caught off guard by his own intensity.

Lily laughed, "What did you call them? 'Inbred sacks of scum'?"

The werewolf's blush only deepened, "I honestly have no idea where that came from."

She shook her head, still laughing, and before long, Remus was laughing too.

They chatted for an hour or so before walking back to the carriages to return to Hogwarts.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

Once back in the Gryffindor Tower, as they parted ways on the stairs to their respective dormitories, Lily gave him a small smile.

"I had fun today," she said.

"Me too."

"And thanks for standing up for me when… well, you know."

He shrugged slightly in reply, "Thank you for standing up for _me_."

Lily laughed, "I wonder if Reginald is still leaking sardines?"

"One can only hope," he grinned.

"See you tomorrow?"

Remus nodded, "See you tomorrow."

And they went their separate ways.

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The next morning things seemed perfectly ordinary. The other Marauders only did some minimal complaining about the items on the list that couldn't be purchased before they began plotting how they were going to use their new horde of dungbombs. As they sat down to breakfast, however, something began to feel off.

Remus kept getting odd looks to such an extent that even his friends began to notice. His first instinct was that the upcoming full moon had started to take its toll on his appearance early this month, but then Sirius said, "What the hell are they looking at?" and he knew it wasn't the case. His friends had become particularly skilled in identifying the telltale signs over the years—if they didn't think he looked sick, he knew that he didn't.

The boys sat down next to Alice and Frank and Alice gave Remus an unnecessarily intense smile.

"Hey Alice," he said eventually, feeling increasingly uncomfortable.

"Lily said she had a lot of fun with you yesterday," she replied, her unnerving grin still plastered on her face.

"You were with Lily yesterday?" James asked a little wistfully.

"Well… yes, but—"

"Did you have fun too?" Alice interrupted. Something in her tone made him want to fidget in his seat.

"Of course, but I'm not sure I understand what you're—"

"Does that mean you're officially a couple now?"

"Wh-what?" He was completely taken aback, "Of course not!" He protested. Across from him, he could see that James' knuckles had turned white from gripping his spoon so hard, but his face remained passive.

"Where did you hear such nonsense!?"

"The whole school is saying it," she shrugged, "You don't have to be embarrassed about it."

"I'm not embarrassed, because we're not dating!"

"Yeah, just like Alice and Frank _aren't_ dating," Sirius chuckled and Remus felt his face turning red.

"No! We _really_ aren't dating!" he repeated, feeling more and more flustered.

"Who are you not dating?" Lily asked curiously as she sat down beside Alice.

"You, apparently," Sirius answered for him.

"What?" she frowned. "Who on earth said otherwise?"

"So, you're not a couple?" James could barely hide the relief in his voice, prompting Sirius to give him an amused look.

"No!" Both Remus and Lily cried in unison.

After many more denials, the topic gradually shifted to classes and pranks, but that didn't stop the curious stares or the gossip. As they left the Great Hall to head to classes, Remus spotted Lily and Severus standing in a corridor; he couldn't see Snape's face but Lily looked profoundly annoyed. He wondered if James was going to give him a similar interrogation in the near future.


	8. Chapter 8: Halloween

**A/N: The story is currently in a relatively calm part of the plot—things are about to get a bit more exciting in the next few chapters though. Please read and review. Thanks!**

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Chapter 8: Halloween

Lily Evans did not like to be told what to do. Remus knew that this wasn't exactly a rare pet peeve: just about everyone he knew disliked being told what to do to varying degrees. Even more passive and compromising individuals such as himself and Peter, would kick their heels in and push back after a while. Lily, however, had a Sirius-like aversion to arbitrary rules—it was common knowledge. That's why, Remus was genuinely shocked that Snape, her friend who had known her the longest, thought he could successfully forbid Lily from spending time with the werewolf.

As he later found out, the heated discussion outside of the Great Hall that morning had turned into a full blown argument. Severus may not have really believed the rumors circulating, but they had clearly been enough to make him jealous and possessive—he'd told Lily that she couldn't spend any more time with Remus or else the whole school would believe that they were, in fact, dating. Lily had pushed back, demanding to know why he cared so much about groundless rumors and things only got worse from there.

And so, in defiance, Lily had been spending as much time as possible with Remus.

The werewolf had tried to explain the situation to James. He wasn't nearly as self-assured as Lily and, despite James' adamant insistence that he couldn't care less who she was or wasn't dating, Remus didn't want his lovelorn friend resenting him for something that wasn't true.

Fortunately, after some initial hesitation, James was very understanding. The same couldn't be said of Peter and Sirius who teased him relentlessly every time the redhead insisted on sitting next to him in class.

Halloween was rapidly approaching though, and with it, the full moon. The Marauders had established a tradition of pulling elaborate pranks on Halloween and Remus was determined to not let the blue moon ruin it.

It was hard to find time to plan a prank with Lily following him around though. As the familiar ache began to settle into his bones three days before Halloween, he found himself actively trying to avoid her. He nearly managed to make it through the whole day too by showing up to class at the last possible second and leaving as soon as it was over, but she finally caught him returning from the library that evening in the common room on his way up to the dormitory.

"Are you avoiding me?" She demanded as she intercepted him half way to the stairs.

"No…" He felt his nerves immediately start to fray under her scrutinizing stare, "Well, kind of." She raised an eyebrow and Remus felt the lie start spilling from him, "I've been avoiding everyone, really. I feel like I'm coming down with something and I don't want to make anyone else sick."

She narrowed her eyes slightly and he had to fight the overwhelming urge to gulp.

"You do look a little peaky," she admitted finally. "Well, that's a relief."

He shuffled awkwardly and Lily's face started to turn red.

"Sorry! That's not what I meant. I mean, I'm sorry you're feeling ill but I was worried you were avoiding me because of what everyone is saying about us…"

"What? Oh, Merlin Lily, no! I don't care what they're saying." Truthfully, he did care a little bit, but his friendship with Lily greatly outweighed that anxiety.

She smiled, "I should've known that you don't. Well, go on and get some rest. If your idiot friends are keeping you up, just let me know and I'll shut them up for you."

Lily waved her wand menacingly and Remus laughed.

"Will do. Goodnight then," he chuckled.

"Night!" she replied cheerfully.

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Remus shut the door to the dormitory behind him with great relief and turned around to find his friends watching him with amused expressions on their faces.

"What?"

"Did you find anything?" Sirius asked.

Remus tossed the library book he'd borrowed on to the bed beside his friend. The black-haired boy picked it up and opened it to the section the werewolf had marked.

Sirius' eyes widened as he skimmed the pages and a mischievous grin started slowly spreading across his face.

"What do you think?" Remus asked.

"I think it's bloody brilliant," his friend replied.

James and Peter moved to sit beside Sirius, reading over his shoulder.

"Will it work?" asked James.

"I don't see why it wouldn't," Remus shrugged. "I think we'll have to limit it to the Great Hall though, it would take too much time to get it to work for the entire school."

James nodded as he took the book from Sirius' hands.

"But what about you?" Peter frowned.

"What about me?"

"Well, aren't you going to be in the hospital wing all day?"

"We can set it up the night before."

"No," James protested, "You're not going to miss your own prank! We'll just do it a day early."

"I think McGonagall will figure that out pretty quickly," he pointed out mildly.

"She already knows that it's us every year," Sirius rolled his eyes, "The whole school does."

"But if we do it a day early, it'll just draw attention to the fact that I'm not there," he pointed out. "It'll be pretty obvious that we planned around my absence in advance."

Sirius' response died on his tongue and he let out a small huff of frustration.

"What do you suggest then?" James asked.

Remus thought for a moment, "I could probably make it through breakfast on Halloween at the very least… With a couple tweaks to the spell, we could probably make it last all day."

"That could work," Sirius grinned.

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After staying up late the night before Halloween to enchant the Great Hall, it was sheer willpower alone that kept Remus on his feet as he and the Marauders followed the other Gryffindors to breakfast.

As they reached the Great Hall his limbs began trembling from the exertion of the usually easy walk, he felt doubt creeping into his mind—what if no one enjoyed it and all of the effort would've been for nothing.

His doubts were quickly crushed the second the Marauders entered the hall and found themselves surrounded by chaos.

Everyone was dressed in costume: from ogres to parakeets, every person in Great Hall had had their robes transfigured the second they set foot through the doorway. McGonagall, dressed as a scarecrow, ran around the room, clearly trying to gain some sort of control over the situation. Remus couldn't see a single unamused face.

He glanced around quickly and discovered that his robes had transfigured into a pirate costume, Peter was dressed as a mummy, Sirius, a vampire, and James, a vibrantly pink flamingo.

"No fair!" James grumbled as his friends began laughing.

"I swear that it's completely random," Remus chuckled, raising his hands defensively. They made their way to four free seats near the staff table. "Personally, I think pink is your colour," he added cheekily. James playfully punched his arm, but even the gentle blow was enough to cause the werewolf's overly sensitive muscles to seize up—he did his best to seem unaffected.

"It could be worse," Sirius added lightly, "You could be wearing Reg's costume." He gestured towards the Slytherin table where Regulus sat, blushing furiously, dressed as a butterfly.

"Where's Snivellus?" Peter asked.

"Oh! Please tell me he's dressed like a Helga Hufflepuff!" James said as he craned his neck to look around the hall.

"That's a disturbing thought," Sirius raised an eyebrow, "You don't really want to see Snivellus in a dress, do you?"

"There!" Peter squeaked excitedly, pointing to where Snape sat at the very end of the Slytherin table.

"What is he?" Sirius frowned.

"He doesn't look any different, does he?" James sounded deeply disappointed.

"He's got ears on," Remus pointed out, "I think he's supposed to be a bat…"

"A bat? You said it was random!" Sirius said accusingly.

"It _is _random. What's your point?"

"There's no doubt in my mind that a bat is exactly what that slimy git would choose as a Halloween costume."

"I think he'd choose no costume at all, if he could," Remus commented.

"I'm sure I can thank you four for the theatrics," McGonagall made the Marauders collectively jump with her sudden presence.

The rapidly approaching full moon had slowed Remus' mind significantly and he struggled to remember the excuse he'd come up with last night, luckily James stepped in.

"If we were responsible, don't you think I would've given myself a more dignified costume, Professor?"

McGonagall narrowed her eyes, she looked surprisingly intimidating for a scarecrow.

"Then I suppose it wasn't you four that Mr. Filch saw sneaking out of the Great Hall last night?" she asked sharply.

Remus watched his friends turn pale, they thought they had managed to slip past the caretaker and his cat.

"I wasn't feeling well last night, Professor," he finally managed to respond, "James, Sirius, and Peter stayed with me in the dormitory all night to keep me company."

The deputy headmistress frowned at him for a moment, and then she seemed to finally take in his sickly appearance and her expression softened ever so slightly. He felt guilt twisting in the pit of his stomach. Obviously unwilling to discuss any details of his illness in such a public area, McGonagall instead let out a frustrated huff.

"As I'm sure you're all aware," Dumbledore's voice cut through the noise of the Great Hall and everyone turned to face the front table where the headmaster sat, dressed as a polar bear, "There has been a change to the usual school uniform today. In the spirit of the holiday, I believe that such festive attire is quite appropriate. Five house points will be awarded to whosoever chooses to remain in costume for the entire day." There was a round of applause and the Marauders quickly and discreetly exchanged glances.

Dumbledore stood up, raised his wand, and cast the very same spell the boys had used the night before, but it appeared that he'd managed to extend the spell's reach.

Professor McGonagall looked quite flabbergasted, but managed to compose herself as she turned back to the boys.

"You're not looking well Mr. Lupin. You should report into the hospital wing as soon as breakfast is over so that Madam Pomfrey can have a look at you," she said tightly, clearly trying to reclaim what little control she had over the conversation.

"I will, Professor," he nodded earnestly—feeling as miserable as he did, he didn't need much additional prompting.

With a curt nod, the deputy headmistress turned on her heel and returned to the staff table.

"I think we're going to cause her to snap and kill us one day," Sirius mused.

Remus didn't doubt it.


	9. Chapter 9: A Start

**A/N: Sorry for the delayed update. Things have been pretty crazy at work lately. Once again, I'm not J.K. Rowling, the universe and the characters rightfully belong to her. Please read and review. Thanks!**

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Chapter 9: A Start

The trap door to the Shrieking Shack closed with a sickening squelch and Remus listened to Madam Pomfrey's steps fade away as she headed back towards the castle.

It was early—very early. He'd insisted that they leave well before the Halloween feast because the last thing he wanted was to keep the healer from enjoying it, but sitting in the dark, he started to realize how long the extra hours in the Shack were going to be.

Normally the werewolf would strip down as soon as Madam Pomfrey left; just before the full moon rose, Remus would lose almost all of his fine motor skills making changing out of his clothes exceptionally difficult and he'd already destroyed more pairs of hospital wing pajamas than could be counted. However, with the long wait and the chill in the air he opted to keep them on but tugged anxiously at the shirt collar which was beginning to feel suffocating.

He paced nervously around the main floor for what felt like hours, up until his weakened body finally forced him to stop and he sat in a corner next to a boarded-up window, hugging his knees to his chest.

He could hear the voices and music coming from the town below—clearly the Halloween celebrations were in full swing. Remus threaded his fingers through his hair and began to tug, feeling sick to his stomach with the realization that he'd be ruining the celebrations shortly.

Even after four years, he still wasn't comfortable with the lack of silencing charms on the Shrieking Shack, and he doubted that he ever would be. Then, a nagging muscle cramp in his abdomen turned into a full blown spasm causing him to cry out in pain and for just a moment, he couldn't care less who heard him.

The spasm subsided, leaving a hollow ache in its place. He whimpered as strange, feverish, and not entirely human thoughts began to seep into his mind.

Figuring more time had passed than he realized, Remus began to try to unbutton his shirt, but his hands were shaking too severely to get a decent grip. He took a deep breath to settle his nerves but as he went to exhale, he was struck with a sudden and intense rage, he tore his shirt apart in his frustration and threw it across the room with a vicious snarl before he managed to regain control.

The wolf wasn't satisfied though and, being as close to the surface as it was, it took all of Remus' willpower to stay still when every fiber of his being was demanding that he destroy everything in the room.

His breathing became ragged, his skin was crawling, and he felt as though a thousand hands were pushing and pulling on every muscle all at once. The spasms were all over his body now: his head banged painfully on the floor and he could only wonder dully when he'd laid down for a moment before silver tendrils of light began creeping in through the boards on the window onto the floor in front of him. Desperate for oblivion, he dragged himself towards the light.

The moment his trembling hand touched it, he felt all of his nerves set on fire and his consciousness plummet into the void.

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"Remus?" A familiar voice cut through the silence the next morning and brought him back to awareness. The pain was terrible, but still managed to seem inconsequential compared the overwhelming hollow and empty feeling in his chest that he was sometimes left with after a particularly rough full moon. It was an awful feeling and he wanted nothing more than to slip back into unconsciousness until it was gone but evidently he'd stirred a little.

"Remus?" Sirius repeated gently.

With great effort, he managed to open his eyes and look blearily in his friend's direction. It took some time before Remus managed to focus on him though.

Sirius was pale and grim looking. Remus felt as though he should say something, but no words were coming to him.

"Madam Pomfrey said that she should be able to make the scars less noticeable."

Remus continued to stare blankly at the dark-haired boy—his words were taking far too long to register.

"Thankfully, it's November so no one is going to be suspicious if you decide to wear turtleneck sweaters or scarves while it heals," he smiled weakly, "The others just left a few minutes ago to go get lunch, they should be back in a bit."

"What happened?" he whispered hoarsely. A sore throat was one thing he could always expect after a full moon; the screaming and howling took their toll, but even so, his throat was much more painful than usual and when he brought a hand to it, he touched thick bandages.

"You nicked yourself last night," Sirius explained. Remus could already tell that 'nicked' was an understatement. "Luckily, you just missed the artery."

"Not sure that really counts as luck," he barely recognized his own voice.

Sirius frowned at him.

"What do you mean?"

Remus shrugged as he slowly and painfully repositioned himself so that he was sitting upright in the bed.

"You nearly died last night," there was almost a touch of anger in his friend's voice that surprised him.

"I've nearly died many times, Sirius," he sighed wearily as he gingerly patted the wound on his neck, trying to tell where it started and ended, "This is far from the closest I've come."

"How can you be so calm about all of this?" Sirius snapped, this time there was more than a touch of anger.

"I _have_ to be," he replied quietly.

"Don't give me that!" Sirius snapped back. "You shouldn't be calm. You should be anything other than calm. You almost _died_. Do you know what that would've done to me?! What that would've done to James or Peter?!" He took a shaky breath before continuing, "I'm not mad at you, but we need to figure out this animagus thing and we need to do it soon—I'm terrified of what will happen if we don't."

Remus watched his friend's face intently for a moment, trying to choose his words carefully. As someone who was infected with lycanthropy at an early age, he'd had to come to terms with his own mortality much younger than most.

He tried not to think about it too often, but he knew, in his heart, that everyone dies eventually; some sooner than others, and being a werewolf inherently made living to a ripe old age far less likely. He realized though that Sirius probably hadn't had to face his own mortality yet, and it would be nearly impossible to explain—it was something that needed to be experienced.

"What good will it do to worry about it?" he asked instead.

Sirius opened his mouth to protest but couldn't seem to think of any answers.

"W-well, I don't know," he conceded eventually, "I guess I would feel a little better knowing that you were scared too… But that sounds ridiculous when I say it out loud."

Remus sighed, "Before the transformation, I'm a wreck." That was an understatement. "But once it starts, I can't actually _be_ scared… I'm not really even there, at least until the moon sets. And by that point, the worst is over." It was a tricky thing to explain.

He carefully touched the bandage on his throat again, "That's not to say that this isn't unpleasant, but it's hard to be scared of something that's already happened."

Sirius shook his head sadly, "You're right. But we've wasted enough time 'prepping' to become animagi, we've got to start taking real steps. I don't care what James says, we've got enough to go on at this point."

"It's not the sort of thing you should rush," Remus replied warily.

"We've been working on this for a little over a year at this point—it's already the longest I've ever spent on _any_ project," Sirius rolled his eyes, "You'd be proud of James though, he's the very soul of caution."

Remus chuckled, "Maybe becoming illegal animagi is _so_ reckless that James' recklessness finally caved in on itself and turned into caution."

Sirius laughed his trademark bark of a laugh.

"The only thing that matters to me, is that you three are safe."

Sirius sighed and rubbed his eyes with his palms, clearly trying to keep his frustration in check.

"How's quidditch practice going?" he knew Sirius needed a change in topic.

"Swimmingly." Remus jumped as James' voice unexpectedly replied.

Careful not to turn his head too much, he glanced towards the door and saw James and Peter standing in the doorway, each carrying an armful of food.

"It's about time you showed up, I'm starving!" Sirius complained.

"Snivellus followed us from the Great Hall," Peter explained as he set the food he was carrying onto Remus' bedside table.

"I expect he wanted to know where we were headed with all this food, nosy git," James said as he handed Sirius the food he was carrying.

"Sorry about your neck," Peter gave the werewolf a sympathetic look.

"I told him that we were going to start the animagus process," Sirius announced, almost defiantly.

James frowned, "But we aren't prepared…"

"We're as prepared as we'll ever be."

"We don't have mandrake leaves yet," James replied.

"They're just for one part, but we can start to do _some _of it while we wait."

Both dark-haired boys turned towards Remus, expectantly.

"What?" he asked, rather pathetically.

"What do you think?" James asked.

"Considering what's at stake if things go wrong, I think you should wait and keep preparing until you're absolutely certain you're ready to move ahead."

James nodded in agreement but Sirius tutted impatiently, "You didn't even want us to do this in the first place. Peter?"

Peter gulped nervously, "W-well, I th-think," he stuttered, "I think we can p-probably start doing some of it…" He shot James an especially anxious glance, but James wasn't angry—he simply sighed.

"Alright, I guess you're right" he threw his hands up in defeat.

"W-whoa! Wait," Remus tried to sit up straighter and swatted James away when he tried to help. "You really shouldn't just…" It felt as though his energy was being sucked away.

"Relax, Remus," James smiled reassuringly, "We're just going to start with the little steps. Nothing life-threatening, I promise. We'll let you know before we start the _big_ things."

The werewolf felt deflated as he sank back into bed wearily.

"Eat something," James smiled as he gestured to the food on the bedside table, "You'll feel better."

Remus simply shook his head disapprovingly and shut his eyes, unable to stay awake any longer.


	10. Chapter 10: Baby Steps

**A/N: This chapter is ridiculously late and I'm so sorry for that. Things have been incredibly busy lately and I'm going to do my best to get back into the "one chapter every two weeks" cycle again. Thank you all for your continued support.**

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Chapter 10: Baby Steps

Remus tilted his head as he looked at his newest set of scars in the bathroom mirror. Aside from the unfortunate location, the scratches on his neck weren't too bad. The wounds themselves were clean, far from the jagged, torn-up mess the wolf's claws usually made—it meant that Madam Pomfrey had already managed to heal them and partially fade the scars.

The scratches started just under his right ear and trailed all the way down to the original bite scar on his shoulder. Luckily, the castle was chilly and Remus was able to mostly hide them behind turtleneck sweaters and the occasional scarf while they continued to gradually fade.

For the first time ever, he felt some relief knowing his friends were working to become animagi—perhaps they'd be able to stem the tide of self-inflicted injuries.

As quickly as he felt that hope though, he squashed it. He refused hope because becoming an animagus was incredibly difficult and if he allowed himself to hope and his friends couldn't succeed, it would hurt that much more.

Taking a shaky breath, Remus dabbed some of the ointment Madam Pomfrey had given him onto his neck. He shuddered slightly; it still managed to sting thanks, in part, to the extra scar-fading properties the healer had added to it. He washed his hands carefully, trying his best not to dwell on the burning sensation.

He pulled up the collar of his shirt to hide the worst of it before heading back out into the dormitory, where his friends were all sitting on top of James' bed, surrounded by loose papers and books.

"We're supposed to meditate first," Peter announced to him grimly.

"What will that do?" Remus asked as he walked over and took a seat on James' trunk.

"It'll supposedly help us _visualize_ our animal form," Sirius rolled his eyes.

"Well, that doesn't sound so hard," Remus shrugged.

"Except that it apparently takes several months to master," James sighed.

"Can't we just guess?" Peter whined.

"No. We've got to know with absolute certainty, or else it won't work," James pinched the bridge of his nose, clearly it wasn't his first time explaining it. "That's the whole point, Pete. We can only transform into our animal forms if we know what they are already. Otherwise, we could spend years trying to change into a goat when we can only change into, I don't know, a rabbit!"

Peter fell silent, but Sirius was undeterred.

"There must be a faster way to figure it out."

"If you want to do the extra research to find another way, which may or may not even exist, be my guest." James crossed his arms firmly.

"You're too grumpy to be a rabbit," Sirius replied thoughtfully, "I could see you being a goat though." He ducked just in time to miss James' playfully swing.

"Grumpy rabbits are more common than you may think," Remus chuckled. "I don't know James, I can definitely see you with long ears and a cute little tail…"

Sirius and Peter laughed and James tried to scowl but soon cracked up as well.

"Alright, so what are we supposed to do?" Sirius asked eventually. "Sit cross-legged, empty our minds?"

"That isn't too tricky," Peter perked up.

"I'm sure that there's a bit more to it than that," Remus hummed.

"There is," James nodded as he read from the book on his lap, "We've got to slowly burn a bundle of wormwood," he sighed minutely, "Like… incense."

Sirius snorted, "Next you're going to tell me that we all have to sit in a circle, holding hands and chanting kumbaya. Do you realize how ridiculous this all sounds?"

James frowned, "I've already told you Sirius—we're doing exactly what the book tells us to do. We _cannot_ cut corners on this. The price of failure is too high."

The seriousness and finality of his tone silenced Sirius.

"So, we're going to burn the wormwood and we're going to meditate," James continued, calmly, "And once we know our animal forms beyond a doubt—that's when we'll start the real magic."

Sirius fidgeted uncomfortably, clearly unused to the no-nonsense side of James.

"Shall I go steal some wormwood from Slughorn's supply closet?" Remus asked gently after a long silence. He wanted to help in any way that he could.

James nodded in reply, "Here," he said, grabbing his invisibility cloak out from under his pillow, "Use this."

"Do you need a lookout?" Peter asked.

"No, it shouldn't be a problem," he shrugged as he took the cloak. It was Saturday afternoon, and he knew that Professor Slughorn was spending the day in Hogsmeade with a few of the other staff members. "I'll be back in a few minutes. I would appreciate it if you didn't kill each other while I'm gone…" He gave Sirius a pointed look.

"Why are you looking at me?" Sirius whined.

Remus didn't reply as he stuffed the cloak into his bag and began the trek towards the dungeons.

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Outside of the library, the werewolf ran into Lily, who had a couple of books stacked in her arms. He had to fight the overwhelming urge to tug at his shirt collar to hide the scars, knowing that if he fussed with it, it would be much more suspicious.

"I haven't seen you all morning," she smiled as she fell into step beside him. "Did you skip breakfast?"

"I slept in," he lied easily, "I was actually just on my way to the kitchens to grab something."

Lily smiled, "I'd go with you, but I'm supposed to meet Severus in the Astronomy Tower in about ten minutes."

Remus raised his eyebrows—he knew exactly what students did in the Astronomy Tower outside of class hours.

"Don't give me that look!" Lily scolded him, "We're meeting there to do legitimate school work!" She waved the books she was carrying in front of his face as if they were irrefutable proof.

"I didn't say anything," he replied mildly before grinning.

Lily hit his arm and Remus laughed.

"Get your mind out of the gutter, Lupin," she berated him, "You know that everyone has an Astronomy paper to write. Sev and I are just meeting to work on it."

"Does _he _know that?" he asked quietly, all traces of teasing gone from his tone.

She frowned, "Well, of course he does. Why would you ask that?"

"It's no secret how he feels about you," Lily gave him a peculiar look and he hastily clarified, "Either way, it doesn't matter and I know that it's none of my business. But what you may see as working together on an assignment, he may see as something more."

Lily's expression remained unchanged and impossible to read. Worried that he'd upset her, Remus tried to backpedal, "But you know Severus better than anyone. I'm sorry, don't listen to me…"

Lily finally looked away and shrugged as she rearranged the books she was holding.

"Well, it's not a date—if that's what you're getting at," the touch of defensiveness in her tone let the werewolf know that he should've just kept his mouth shut.

"Okay," he tried to comply but Lily seemed to think he was being sarcastic and shot him an annoyed look. Her expression changed to one of concern though as her eyes wandered to the spot just below his right ear.

Remus let out a small, involuntary whimper of panic before quickly clearing his throat to mask the sound.

"What happened?" she reached out to touch the scars but the werewolf flinched away from her hand.

"Hagrid's dog was a little too excited to see me last time I visited. He kept jumping up to lick my face and managed to nick me." He silently congratulated himself for thinking up a quasi-believable excuse on the spot.

"Okay…" she replied uncertainly.

"I'll see you at lunch?" he asked as casually as he could manage.

"Sure," she smiled weakly.

He tried to keep his stride calm and steady as he walked away.

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In an alcove outside of Slughorn's office, Remus slipped underneath James' invisibility cloak. Although he was sure the Potion's master was out for the day, he knew that it was wiser to err on the side of caution—he _was_ breaking into a teacher's office, after all.

The door to the supply closet was locked, but a simple Alohamora spell was enough to open it. Once inside, it didn't take long to find some wormwood—Slughorn's supplies were meticulously organized. He grabbed a small handful and stuffed it into his robe pocket before resealing the jar and returning it to its proper place. He was just about to leave when the door he'd left ajar, creaked open.

"Hello?" a voice called out uncertainly.

_Regulus_. Remus held his breath and pushed himself as far into a corner of the room as he could without making a sound.

The Slytherin took two steps into the closet.

"Hello?" he called out again.

After several painfully long seconds, the third year shook his head slightly, as if scolding himself for imagining things, before turning around and shutting the door behind him.

Remus let out a shaky breath. He stayed in the supply closet for another five minutes before opening the door a sliver and peeking through the crack. Slughorn's office was, thankfully, empty, and he slipped out and hurried back up to the dormitory.


	11. Chapter 11: Wormwood Visions

**A/N: Yay! I finally managed to write a chapter on time. Thank you again for all of your support. Please read and review. **

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Chapter 11: Wormwood Visions

When Remus returned to the Gryffindor dormitory, he found that his friends had moved from James' bed and were now sitting on the floor. All three heads turned to look at him as he closed the door behind him.

"That took a while," Sirius raised an eyebrow.

"We were just about to go look for you," Peter added.

"Sorry," he replied as he handed back James' cloak and pulled the wormwood out of his pocket. "I ran into your brother in Slughorn's office. I had to wait for him to leave."

"What the hell was Regulus doing there?" Sirius frowned.

"Probably trying to kiss Slughorn's gargantuan ass," James quipped as he threw his cloak onto his bed. Peter giggled.

"But he's in Hogsmeade all day today," Remus explained as he gingerly sank to the ground beside Peter—he was still slightly sore from the full moon.

"Was he trying to steal potion ingredients?" Sirius asked tightly.

"I don't think so," Remus replied with a shrug, "Although, even if he was, I don't think we're in any position to judge him."

Sirius looked like he desperately wanted to protest, but forced himself to stay silent. The werewolf found himself studying his friend's face carefully, wondering what he was so worried about.

James cleared his throat, "Will Slughorn notice some of his wormwood is missing?"

Remus managed to tear his gaze away and shook his head, "He's got loads of it: the third years are working on Shrinking Solutions now—if some extra goes missing, he won't notice. I've also seen it growing in the Forbidden Forest, if we find ourselves going through a lot of it, we could always just go foraging."

"Do we just start burning it?" Peter quirked his head to the side as he stared at the pile of leaves in front of them.

"Light it, let it burn for a second, blow it out, and let it smolder," Sirius eagerly pulled out his wand.

"We should probably grab some lunch first," James quickly intervened, "It'll be easier to 'clear our minds' if we aren't starving."

"So, we've got to wait even longer to start the boring stuff?" Sirius grumbled.

James rolled his eyes, "You can wait another half hour, mate. Come on…"

"Fine," Sirius stood up and stretched.

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After lunch, the Marauders returned to the dormitory. James, Sirius, and Peter sat cross-legged on the floor (despite Sirius' protests) while Remus watched from his bed.

"We're supposed to focus on our breathing and nothing else. Apparently the wormwood will do the rest," James explained as Sirius lit the wormwood and then blew out the flames—it began to smoke as it slowly smoldered. He then muttered a spell to help the wormwood last longer.

There was a lag of a few seconds before the extremely bitter smell of the burning plant caused all of the Marauders to start coughing. Remus was particularly affected by the smell, thanks to his sensitive nose; he had to cover his face with the sleeve of his robes.

"How're we supposed to empty our minds when this stuff is burning our sinuses?!" Sirius spluttered.

Peter sneezed several times in rapid succession, as his body tried to clear the smoke from his nostrils.

"I'm sure we'll get used to it if we just give it some time," James tried to sound optimistic.

Even through his sleeve, the smell was enough to make Remus' eyes water, "I don't think anyone can get used to this!"

But, sure enough, after a few minutes, their protests died. The smell was too strong and bitter to forget entirely, but once it had completely saturated the room, it wasn't quite so overwhelming. Remus, however, did feel a headache beginning to form as a result.

To the werewolf's amazement, his friends eventually shut their eyes and fell silent.

He watched them quietly for a few minutes, just listening to their breathing—maybe it wouldn't take them months to master after all, they seemed to be doing very well for their first attempt.

With the headache now gnawing at the back of his eyes, the smoke was beginning to make Remus feel drowsy; it wasn't long before he was slumped against the headboard of his bed.

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_Remus was standing in the middle of the woods. There was a thick fog all around him which made it impossible to see beyond the immediately surrounding trees. _

_For a long time, there was nothing but silence; yet, just as he was about to start wandering through the fog, he heard a branch snap nearby. Under normal circumstances, he knew he'd be frightened—it was a natural instinct to be wary of something he knew was there but couldn't see; but instead, he found himself taking a step towards the sound. _

_There was another snap of a twig, this time it came from behind him and sounded even closer. Remus spun around and saw a vague and indistinct shadow watching him through the fog. He took several steps towards it, but the shadow never got any closer. He began running towards it, suddenly feeling almost desperate to know what was watching him, but it remained elusive and just beyond reach. _

_'__Come here,' he tried to say, but the words never left his throat. The shadow began to disappear, deeper into the woods and Remus felt a spike of frustration._

_'__Come back!' he tried to shout, but once again, he couldn't make a peep. _

_Once the shadow had disappeared entirely, Remus heard another sound coming from behind him. _

_This time the sound wasn't a branch cracking, but a low growl that made the hair on the back of his neck rise. Something else was in the woods with him and unlike the shy creature from before, it clearly meant him harm. _

_Remus backed up slowly as the growling got closer and closer. He knew that he couldn't outrun whatever it was. The creature barked sharply and suddenly, he knew exactly what was stalking him and the fog seemed to open up, revealing a snarling werewolf standing within arm's reach in front of him. Its eerie, golden-green eyes were staring into his, unwaveringly. _

_The werewolf snapped menacingly and Remus continued to back up slowly until he bumped into a tree. His heart was pounding in his throat. Baring its massive, razor-sharp teeth, the werewolf lunged towards him. Its claws sunk into his chest as it pinned him to the tree, he tried to push it off but his hands just passed straight through the creature. The werewolf jerked its head forward with every intention of biting his shoulder but just as its teeth were about to make contact, an unseen force pulled him back into the tree._

Remus started violently. He was still sitting on his bed in the smoky dormitory; Sirius was leaning over him with one hand on his shoulder.

"What—" he started to say, but Sirius put a finger to his lips before pointing to James and Peter who were still sitting on the floor with their eyes shut and their breathing steady.

Remus tried to steady his owning breathing, his heart felt like it was about to break through his ribs.

Sirius stood and made his way to the door before waving his hand, indicating that the werewolf should follow.

Once out on the landing, Remus sat on the stairs next to Sirius. The fresh air was already helping his headache.

"Well, that was disappointing," Sirius sighed. "An hour of my Saturday, gone. Just like that."

"You didn't see anything?" Remus asked quietly—still shaken from his own meditation session.

"I didn't say that," Sirius chuckled, "I saw a moor, which is weird because I don't think I've ever actually _been_ to a moor before. I kept seeing something in the distance, but it must've been a mirage because no matter how far I walked, it never got any closer." He rolled his eyes, "I'm sure there's some deep symbolic meaning buried in that, but I can't be bothered to find it."

Remus smiled weakly in response.

"Anyways, I got fed up and woke myself up and that's when I saw that you'd joined in and it didn't look like you were having a very good time, so I woke you up as well," he frowned slightly, "What did you see?"

"A forest. Same sort of thing—I could see something hiding in the fog but couldn't get close enough to it to see what it was."

"That's it?" Sirius asked skeptically.

Remus shook his head, "No. Whatever it was disappeared and the wolf appeared…"

"_The _wolf?" Sirius quirked his head to the side curiously.

He fidgeted uncomfortably, "A _werewolf_," he whispered, "It was stalking me, it'd just cornered me against a tree when you woke me up." He tugged the collar of his shirt up anxiously, "And… I don't really know how to explain this, but I know that it was me—what I look like when I'm transformed."

Remus glanced at his friend, expecting him to dismiss it all as nonsense, but Sirius was surprisingly silent.

"It was going to hurt me and I couldn't do anything to stop it," he felt a lump in his throat and he blinked quickly to get rid of the tears.

To his surprise, Sirius chuckled, "Don't tell James that I said this, but I'm sure there's some deep symbolic meaning in the fact that _I _woke you up before it could hurt you."

He grinned cheekily at Remus who let out a shaky laugh.

"You're fine," Sirius said reassuringly as he patted the werewolf's back, "you just had a bad trip."

"'A bad trip'?" Remus raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah, well wormwood _is_ a hallucinogenic. Everyone has bad trips, I'm sure that we'll all have had a few before we're done." Remus smiled weakly, and, taking it as a sign that he should continue, Sirius plowed on, "I'm sure that at some point I'll get trapped by my lovely parents, James'll run into a bunch of headless corpses, and Peter'll have to face one of the many, many things that Peter's afraid of."

Remus laughed and shook his head.

"But maybe, given your predisposition towards… er…" he hesitated.

"Having nightmarish visions?" Remus supplied helpfully.

"Yeah... It may be easier if you sat the next few sessions out," he shot his friend an apologetic look, but Remus just shrugged.

"I agree. I can't stand the smell anyways." Sirius visibly relaxed.

"How much longer do you think they'll be?" he asked.

Remus shrugged, "No clue."

"Let's go down, my arse is going numb sitting here."

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Remus and Sirius were in the common room for about ten minutes before James and Peter came down the stairs and joined them.

"The wormwood burned out," James said as he sat next to Sirius.

"That was really weird," Peter frowned. "I was standing in the middle of a massive field and I could hear something running around me in the grass but I couldn't find it."

"I was in a forest," James added, "I could see something in front of me but it was too foggy to make out."

The similarity to Remus' experience surprised him.

"Remus saw the exact same thing," Sirius seemed to put his thoughts into words.

"Really?"

"Well, not _exactly_ the same thing," Remus clarified—he could almost still feel the wolf's claws on his chest. "But I also saw something in a fog-filled forest."

"I didn't even realize you had meditated with us," James replied, "I wonder if the similarity means anything." Sirius scoffed.

"What did you see?" Peter asked Sirius.

"Some sort of moor," he waved his hand in front of him vaguely. "There was something in the distance but no matter how far I walked, I couldn't get any closer so I gave up."

"I wish you'd take this a bit more s—" James cut himself off, realizing his mistake.

"Siriusly?" Sirius asked, grinning cheekily. Peter laughed—apart from Sirius, he was the only one who still found the play on words funny.

"You know what I mean…" James rolled his eyes.


	12. Chapter 12: Winter Wonderland

**A/N: This chapter is extraordinarily late and not terribly long, ultimately I decided to split this chapter up—next chapter will cover Christmas and drama, this one wound up being mostly fluff (sorry!). Please read and review. I promise that the next chapter won't be so late!**

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Chapter 12: Winter Wonderland

Despite meditating for an hour a day and burning through so much wormwood that the fourth year boys' dormitory now seemed to permanently smell of it, the Marauders hadn't made much progress by the time December rolled around.

Peter swore he'd started to hear faint chirping noises when he meditated and James claimed he could tell his animagus form was big (to go along with his big head, according to Sirius), but it didn't seem as though any of the boys were close to learning what they'd become. Sirius was rapidly running out of patience and had started researching alternatives.

Between the animagus work and quidditch practice, the boys had nearly stopped pranking entirely, leading to some raised eyebrows from the faculty members. Remus suspected that McGonagall hoped the Marauders had simply grown out of their mischievous ways, but their good behavior could only last for so long and with Sirius' birthday just days away, the boys knew it was time to do something.

"We could try to convince the house elves to swap everyone's robes…" Peter suggested. "Everyone will be wearing the wrong size robes and the wrong house colours."

"I doubt we could convince them and even if we did, they'd get into trouble," James frowned.

"Do you have something better in mind," Sirius asked a little hopefully.

James shook his head, "No… I think all the wormwood fumes have damaged the prank-planning portion of my brain."

"What do you normally like to do on your birthday, Sirius?" Remus asked, his voice still hoarse from November's full moon.

The black haired boy shrugged, "Pranks, of course."

"Was that your favourite thing to do before coming to Hogwarts?" Remus persisted.

"I dunno. My birthday at home was always celebrated with a tedious family dinner party," he grimaced. "Sometimes Andy, Regulus, and I would sneak out of the house before dinner and have snowball fights. That wasn't all bad," he half-smiled at the thought.

"There you go," Remus turned his attention back to his full plate- the wolf had lapped up so much of its own blood during the last full moon that he'd been ill for days and his appetite still hadn't quite returned.

"A snowball fight isn't really a prank though," Peter replied.

"Unless we brought it indoors," James caught on quickly. "I think we can pull it off easily too."

Remus nodded in silent agreement as he continued to push his food around his plate absentmindedly.

"How're we going to set it up?" Peter asked, "Filch has memorized all of our birthdays. Well, James' and Sirius' anyways…"

"We'll figure something out," James grinned and shrugged.

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It never ceased to amaze Remus how many gifts Sirius received for his birthday each year. His complete and utter distain for roughly 95% of all his gifts also always managed to surprise the werewolf. It seemed as though Sirius only really cared about the gifts he received from the Marauders, Andromeda, and his great uncle Alphard, everything else was either put aside and forgotten or discarded entirely—Remus estimated that there was at least one hundred galleons worth of antiques and Black family heirlooms littering their dormitory.

This year didn't seem to be any different—Sirius was very grateful for the gifts Remus, James, and Peter had given him and everything else was pushed into a haphazard pile at the foot of his bed. When he'd finished opening all his gifts, however, Sirius looked troubled.

"Something the matter?" James asked, "Not enough tribute this year?" he teased.

"My parents didn't send me anything," Sirius frowned.

"Wouldn't you have just tossed their gift anyways?" Peter returned.

"Of course," Sirius shook his head, "They always send me something that they know I'll hate, but that's just it: they _always_ send me something."

"Don't let it get to you, mate," James stood, "We've got work to do."

Sirius nodded and all four boys made their way down the Entrance Hall.

The sun hadn't risen yet, but Filch and his cat were already on the prowl. The Marauders had only been in the entrance hall for a few minutes when they heard Mrs. Norris yowling.

Sirius and Remus quickly hid under James' invisibility cloak while James and Peter ran off towards the Great Hall—Mrs. Norris complaining loudly as she chased after them.

The two of them stood cramped under the cloak in silence for several minutes, waiting until Filch had come and gone, chasing James and Peter throughout the school, before they finally emerged and began waving their wands at the ceiling, forming snow clouds.

It was slow to start, but after a while, they'd managed to build up a decent layer of snow.

"You know, it probably would've been faster if we just brought snow in from outside," Sirius commented casually.

Remus glanced at the doors to the grounds directly to his left and began laughing.

"What is it?" Sirius cocked his head to the side, curiously.

Remus knew it wasn't all that funny, but for some reason, he found the realization that they'd spent the past twenty minutes working to do what a first year levitating charm and five minutes could've achieved hilarious.

"What?" Sirius began grinning. "What're you laughing at?"

"It-it took us two days," Remus' laughter redoubled, "T-two days to find this stupid spell." His side was beginning to ache. "We drew diagrams to help plot how we'd lure Filch away…" Remus tried to take a calming breath, but as he exhaled, he was hit with another giggling fit, "H-how many hours do you think we spent on this?"

Sirius had begun chuckling, "I dunno, maybe ten altogether?"

Remus wrapped his arms around his waist and bent over, laughing harder than ever.

"Admit it Remus, you've been using some of our wormwood to brew Elixirs to Induce Happiness on the side, haven't you?" Sirius laughed.

"We've made this a hundred times more complicated than it needed to be," Remus finally managed to wheeze.

"I agree that it was pretty dumb of us, but it's not that funny," Sirius shook his head, laughing.

"I know," Remus gasped, "But I—I—I can't stop!"

"What the hell did you do to Remus?" James asked as he came running up from the corridor.

"I think he's finally snapped," Sirius managed to suppress his own laughter long enough to feign solemnity.

"Really?" Peter replied uncertainly, arriving just a moment after James but looking considerably more out of breath.

Remus had finally managed to slow his laughter and was simply enjoying the ability to breathe once more.

"No," Sirius scoffed, "He thinks it's funny that we spent so long working a prank that we could've pulled off in a couple minutes."

The werewolf took a long, slow breath and wiped the tears off his face.

"A couple minutes?" James asked skeptically.

Sirius opened the door to the grounds, muttered a levitating charm and moved a massive clump of snow above James and Peter before dumping it on to them.

Peter cried out indignantly and James swiftly repaid Sirius with a snowball to the face.

Remus levitated another massive load of snow into the Entrance Hall and muttered the charm to keep the snow from melting, before he joined in by throwing a snowball at James.

It didn't seem to matter that the rest of the school wasn't around to see their 'prank', the Marauders were having plenty of fun by themselves.

Then Peter threw a snowball which missed Remus and hit Professor Slughorn who was just coming up from the dungeons.

"Sorry, sir!" he squeaked.

"What's all this?" Slughorn hastily brushed the snow off of his robes and stared at the four boys incredulously.

Without missing a beat, Remus replied, "Someone must've left the doors open last night, Professor. Looks like all this snow was blown in."

"Can't imagine why it hasn't melt yet, Professor," James added before the portly professor had a chance to protest, "It must be some sort of birthday miracle."

"'Birthday miracle'?"

"Yes, it's Sirius' birthday, sir," Remus nodded.

Professor Slughorn was a Slytherin through and through and despite Sirius being the disgrace Black family heir, he was still the Black family heir; Slughorn had a tendency to look the other way when it came to Sirius and James unless his intervention was absolutely necessary.

The potions' master visibly struggled to decide what to do before he smiled rather forcefully and replied, "Happy birthday, Mr. Black."

"Thank you, sir," Sirius grinned.

"I suppose you four are just having some boyish fun then—nothing malicious, correct?" Slughorn gave each of them a pointed look.

"Of course, sir," James answered earnestly for all of them.

With a minute sigh, the portly professor shook his head and wandered into the Great Hall without another word. The Marauders exchanged surprised glances and dove right back into their snowball fight.

Gradually, other students began trickling in for breakfast, some took one look at the snow and the Gryffindor boys and hurried into the Great Hall but many more stopped and joined in.

There were roughly thirty students deeply engrossed in the game by the time Professor McGonagall showed up—she immediately pegged the Marauders as the responsible party and wasn't swayed into showing leniency just because it was Sirius' birthday.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

That evening, after dinner, the four boys were assigned detention with Filch—the deputy headmistress had cornered off the snow and allowed it to melt, the boys had to mop it all up without the use of magic while the caretaker supervised.

"I can't believe Lily hit me with a snowball," James muttered quietly so that Filch wouldn't overhear.

Sirius snorted and Remus rolled his eyes.

"Is it really that hard to believe?" Peter frowned.

"I didn't think she'd join in—you've got to admit, that's pretty impressive. I guess she isn't as stuck up as I thought…" he said almost longingly.

Sirius shot Remus an amused glance and the werewolf chuckled shaking, his head.


	13. Chapter 13: An Alternative

**A/N: Yay! A long chapter that's actually early for once! Please read and review and thank you for the continued support!**

Chapter 13: An Alternative

In no time at all, students were lining up for the Hogwarts Express to go home for the winter holidays. Only twenty students were staying behind, and out of those, half were Gryffindors.

Severus was one of just two Slytherins who remained and he'd made a point out of avoiding the Marauders as much as possible. James claimed it was because he was a coward who couldn't stand on his own without his blood purists house mates backing him up (even James knew that they couldn't really be considered Snape's friends), but Remus felt guilt twist in the pit of his stomach every time he spotted the greasy-haired boy hurrying in the opposite direction whenever the Marauders wandered a little too close.

Fortunately, Lily had stayed at school for the holidays as well, so Severus had _some_ company, even though Lily spent most of her time with Marlene.

With so few students, Dumbledore had decided to forgo the usual house tables and had everyone sit at the same table during meals—for the most part, this was a pleasant change as the students were able to get to know those from other years and houses who they may not have interacted with otherwise.

During breakfast, two days before Christmas, as Remus was half-heartedly listening to Peter's conversation with a chatty second year Ravenclaw named Gilderoy, a frantic Professor Flitwick burst into the Great Hall walking as quickly as his short legs would carry him.

Most of the students didn't react at first, probably assuming the Charms' professor had simply overslept—but when he leant in to whisper something to professor McGonagall, a few curious heads turned their way.

Even with his sharp hearing, Remus was just barely able to make out the concerned tone Flitwick was using and he thought he heard the words 'Hogsmeade' and 'ministry'.

McGonagall steadily turned paler and paler, prompting more curious stares. The Marauders all looked at Remus expectantly, trying to gauge whether or not the werewolf was able to hear the conversation.

He turned his head slightly in order to hear better, but kept his attention on his plate, not certain whether or not McGonagall was aware of his heightened senses.

In his fervor to complete his message, Professor Flitwick raised his voice ever so slightly, but it was enough for Remus to make out the word 'attack' clearly. The tiny professor then stood back, looking just as pale and worried as McGonagall.

The deputy headmistress stood up abruptly and waved her wand soundlessly—a silver mist shot out of the tip and quickly took the shape of a tabby cat. It sat in front of her for just a moment before another quick wave sent the mist whizzing through the air and out of the Great Hall.

Now all eyes were on her. McGonagall pursed her lips together.

"No one is to leave the castle until further notice," she declared cryptically.

"Why, Professor?" Marlene asked on behalf of the students.

"I will let you know once I have more information, Ms. McKinnon," she replied sharply, effectively killing all other inquiries. She and Flitwick then hurried out of the Great Hall together.

The minute the door had shut behind them, the students began talking excitedly.

"Did you hear what they were saying, mate?" James asked Remus quietly.

"I think there's been an attack in Hogsmeade," he muttered softly, "I couldn't make out much though: they were sitting too far away."

"What kind of attack?" Peter frowned.

Remus shrugged helplessly.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

It wasn't until lunch that the students received an update from Professor Slughorn, who confirmed that there had been an attack in Hogsmeade the previous night. Three of the village residents had been killed and their attackers had managed to slip away before anyone knew something was amiss. The Potions' professor assured the students that they were safe as long as they were on school premises but they were forbidden from leaving the castle for the next two days.

News of the attack had obviously taken its toll on the students and staff—it seemed as though no one was willing to walk the halls alone (with the exception of Snape, of course) and there was an overall air of solemnity which was uncommon for the season.

On Christmas morning, the students were finally allowed out to enjoy the snow as long as one of the Professors was there to supervise. With movement being so restricted, it was easiest for the Marauders to remain in their dormitory.

After lunch on Christmas Day, as they sat in their dormitory looking for ways to kill time before the feast that night, Peter suddenly blurted out, "I've been thinking…"

Without looking up from his letter from Andromeda, Sirius replied, "Careful Pete, you don't want to overexert yourself."

Remus chucked a gobstone at Sirius' head in retaliation.

"What've you been thinking, Peter?" he asked encouragingly.

With a hesitant and meek glance at Sirius, Peter continued, "That spell McGonagall used on the morning after the attack… It looked like a cat, didn't it?"

"Yes, what's your point?" James sat his quidditch magazine on top of his chest and put on his glasses in order to see the smallest Marauder clearly.

"Well... It wasn't just a cat though, was it? It looked just like her, I mean her animagus form," Peter's cheeks were turning steadily redder as if he was regretting mentioning it.

"And?" Sirius had dropped Andromeda's letter and was now watching Peter with considerably more interest.

"Maybe it's just a weird coincidence, but if there _is_ a spell that takes the form of a person's animagus…" he trailed off, uncertainly.

"No more bloody meditating!" Sirius was grinning ear-to-ear at the prospect.

"Well, which spell was it?" James asked.

"She didn't use any incantation," Remus replied. "I don't think we'll have much luck looking it up."

"We could just ask her," Peter suggested.

"What? Just flat out _ask her_?" Sirius laughed. "Don't you think that would be a bit suspicious? '_Uh, yes, Professor McGonagall—about that spell you used a while back: the one that looks exactly like your animagus form? Yes, that one! What's it called? Why, you ask? Certainly not for any _illegal _activities, I assure you_!'"

"I could ask," Remus shrugged.

"Do you really think it'll be less suspicious if _you _ask?" Sirius raised an eyebrow.

"It wouldn't be the first time I've asked her something like that." Remus was often the student who hung around after class to inquire about the offhand spells the professors used absentmindedly during lessons.

"We won't stop you," Sirius shrugged, "but please keep in mind that what we're doing is highly illegal, so try to think up a believable excuse for why you're asking."

"We haven't done anything illegal yet," James pointed out, "But McGonagall would give us detention for the rest of the year if she knew we were even planning on becoming animagi."

"I solemnly swear that I will be the very soul of discretion," Remus put a hand over his heart. "I'll have to ask tomorrow though: I would prefer to enjoy the rest of Christmas without worrying how I'm going to navigate that conversation."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

After the feast that night, Remus lay in bed, tossing and turning. It was one thing when it was his secret on the line, but something else entirely when it was his friends'. At roughly one in the morning though, inspiration finally came to him.

That morning, before his friends had even woken up, Remus got dressed and headed towards McGonagall's office. Despite the holidays, the deputy headmistress was already wide awake, primly dressed, and sitting at her desk grading papers as if school was still in session.

She didn't hear him approach and so Remus took a deep breath and knocked on the door. McGonagall jumped slightly.

"Mr. Lupin, you're up early. Is everything alright?"

He nodded, "Everything's fine, Professor. I'm sorry to disturb you, I just have a question. Is now a good time?"

McGonagall set her quill aside and gestured to the chair in front of her desk which Remus quickly sat down in.

"The morning of the attacks," he started hesitantly; he noticed that McGonagall instantly tensed, "you used a spell which took the form of a cat…"

"And?" Professor McGonagall asked expectantly when he paused.

"I was just wondering which spell it was." Remus knew better by now than to start with a rambling explanation about why he was curious.

She frowned slightly, "Is that _all _you were wondering, Mr. Lupin?"

He nodded mutely and McGonagall pursed her lips and eyed him suspiciously.

"The sun hasn't risen yet and it's the day after Christmas—I don't believe you're here just out of polite curiousity."

Choosing his words carefully, Remus pressed on, "It didn't just take the shape of a cat, it took the shape of your animagus form." His stomach did a small, nervous flip at the use of the word 'animagus' but he knew it couldn't be entirely avoided. "I was wondering if the two were related or if it was just a coincidence?"

"They are related," she conceded, "What you saw was my patronus and like an animagus form, a patronus' shape reflects the character of its caster."

Remus had to suppress the grin which threatened to spread across his face—it seemed as though a patronus was, indeed, a reliable substitute for months of meditating.

Narrowing her eyes, McGonagall continued, "I am still not convinced, however, that you merely came here to learn what the spell was."

The werewolf took a deep breath, this was what he'd been planning for.

"No matter what I do, I'm always reminded of what I am, Professor," he clasped his already trembling hands in his lap, "Not a day goes by where I'm not affected. Sometimes it's something barely noticeable like a smell during Potions class that makes me ill while it doesn't seem to affect anyone else. Other times, it's a bit more obvious, like when I have to wear long-sleeved shirts in the middle of summer to hide my scars. And then, there are some days, the worst days of all, where I can _feel_ the wolf crawling beneath my skin and it takes most of my strength just to keep it in check…"

His arms had begun trembling as well and he tried to swallow the lump in his throat as he reminded himself why he was saying all of this in the first place. He fixed his gaze on his hands, unable to meet McGonagall's eyes any longer.

"If there's a spell that takes the form of my 'true character', well, let's just say it would mean a lot to me to have some reassurance that I'm not a monster through and through."

The silence following this statement was deafening.

His original reason for visiting the head of his house seemed to vanish from his mind as he was overcome by how truthful everything he'd just said was. He genuinely wanted to know the form of his patronus, to know what his animagus would be if he was able to become one—he wanted definitive proof that he wasn't the wolf, that he was an independent being. He wanted to know that he was still a person in spite of his disease.

The silence seemed to stretch on and on, Remus didn't dare look up from his hands.

Realizing just how true his words were, the werewolf began to regret revealing so much to McGonagall—seconds passed but it felt like hours. He had begun to wonder if he could spontaneously disapparate when McGonagall finally spoke.

"Remus," the use of his first name startled him into looking up at her, "I want you to listen to me very carefully: you are not a monster," she paused, letting it sink in. "In all the years that I've known, not once have I ever seen even a glimmer of malicious intent. You are an exceptionally kind and intelligent young man. I am not trying to undermine your struggle—I can't even begin to imagine what you must go through, but you are not a monster. You do not need to know your patronus form in order to make that assessment, Mr. Lupin." Her tone was gentle, but firm. "You are _not_ a monster," she repeated sternly, "I cannot think of a single person in this school who would say otherwise."

Remus lowered his gaze to his hands again. While he appreciated the intent of what McGonagall was saying, he couldn't help think that if she saw what he was like when he was transformed she wouldn't have the same conviction.

She had seen the aftermath of his transformations many times over the years, she made a point of visiting him in the hospital wing after particularly bad full moons but she didn't _know _what the wolf was capable of, not really. The wolf was vicious, blood thirsty, and rabid; no one could ever say anything to convince him that it wasn't a monster, and it lived within him. Its presence bled into his everyday life in ways he wasn't even aware of and he couldn't definitively say where he ended and it began.

But, since he was starting to feel desperate to leave his professor's office, he didn't protest or give any hint that he disagreed with her.

"If you believe it will help, however, here is a book on the patronus spell," she wrote the title down on a scrap of parchment and handed it to him, "You can also speak to Professor Hywel about it—it's not part of the usual curriculum, but it does, technically, fall under defense against the dark arts."

"Thank you, Professor," he still wasn't quite able to meet her eyes as he folded the paper and placed it in his pocket. "I'm sorry to have disturbed you."

"You didn't, please come and talk to me any time, Mr. Lupin."

He rose and hurried towards the door but the deputy headmistress stopped him in his tracks at the threshold.

"Oh, and Remus?"

"Yes, professor?" he felt his heart rate pick up with anxiety.

"Would you be so kind as to remind Mr. Potter and Mr. Black that they have detention with me this afternoon for Christmas cracker fiasco yesterday?"

Remus smiled, "Of course."


	14. Chapter 14: A Bet

**A/N: I've been dragging my feet in writing this chapter. I originally had planned to blend part of this chapter with the next one (which I'm excited to start writing) but it broke into two, and this half was a little sparse so I apologize for the delay and the (most likely) awkward pacing of this chapter. Better stuff to come soon and on time—I promise. Thanks again for all the wonderful reviews!**

Chapter 14: A Bet

With the name of the spell and the title of a book on the subject in hand—the Marauders agreed to wait for the full moon to pass and for Remus to recover before they attempted the Patronus spell, wanting to include him as much as possible. James and Peter continued to practice the meditation method in the interim, but Sirius had decided his time was better spent roaming the castle.

Remus had assumed that the transformation on the 29th would somehow be easier with so few people in the castle, but it only made his absence that much more apparent. While recovering in the hospital wing, he received visits from all of the Gryffindors, roughly half of the Hufflepuffs, and two of the Ravenclaws. It was incredibly unsettling and heartwarming all at once and he was grateful that the wolf had spent most of the full moon trying to break out rather than hurting itself—Madam Pomfrey had only had to heal broken bones and bruises (and one tiny bite on his ankle), all visible injuries were patched up before the first of his many visitors arrived. The healer still kept him for two days, claiming that she would've kept anyone else that long after receiving so many broken bones.

Lily, who only visited him when he was in the hospital wing for more than a day or two, spent all of the morning of New Year's Eve with him; he was finally released before dinner that evening.

Lily made a point of sitting with him at dinner that night, despite his friends' protests and she followed him up to the Gryffindor tower afterwards. She claimed that she was just keeping an eye on him since he still looked peaky, but once they reached the common room Remus quietly pulled her aside, away from Marlene and the slightly put-out Marauders.

"Lily, did you and Severus get into an argument?" he kept his tone low, knowing that his friends were making every effort they could to eavesdrop.

Lily blushed, but managed to force a smile, "Of course not! Why would you say that?" There was an edge of defensiveness to her tone that Remus ignored as he plowed on.

"You've been avoiding him all day and the last time you spent this much consecutive time with me was after your disagreement with him. Of course, I love spending time with you, but I just want to make sure that you're okay…"

For a split second, her lip trembled and she looked away. She said nothing, but he had all the proof he needed.

"Do you want to talk about it?" he asked gently.

She looked back up at him as if to say something but was interrupted when Sirius shouted, "Just kiss already!"

James hit Sirius with a jelly leg hex before Remus could do the same but by the time he turned his attention back to Lily she was blushing furiously and had stepped away from the werewolf.

"Lily?" he tried to reclaim her attention, but she shook her head.

"I'm just worried about you because you're ill, Remus, that's all," she flashed him another horribly forced smile before sitting next to Marlene in front of the fireplace.

Remus shot Sirius a venomous look, but the dark-haired boy just seemed to find it that much more amusing as a result.

"Sorry, did I interrupt something?" he snickered as Remus moodily plopped down next to Peter on a couch by the stairwell.

"He didn't, did he?" James asked, looking pained, "She _has _been following you around all day."

Thoroughly annoyed, Remus folded his arms across his chest, "That's none of your business."

Sirius' eyebrows shot up and James paled slightly.

Taking pity on his messy-haired friend, Remus sighed, "No James, Sirius did not interrupt anything romantic," he couldn't help but roll his eyes. "And I feel like we've had this conversation before; but I'll repeat it once more for posterity: Lily and I do not fancy each other. We're friends, that's it. Now can we please talk about something else?"

"When are we going to start working on the patronus spell?" Peter quickly redirected the conversation before James or Sirius could start. Remus shot the smallest Marauder a grateful look.

"Might as well start tomorrow," James grinned, "The first day of a new year seems like as good of time as any."

"Want to make things a little more interesting?" Sirius suggested.

"What do you mean?" Peter frowned.

"We should make bets on what our patronuses are going to be."

Remus raised an eyebrow.

"What'll we bet with?" James asked.

Sirius shrugged, "Sweets? Dungbombs? It could be a gentleman's bet for all I care."

"Odds aren't good that any of us will guess correctly," Remus pointed out, "The possibilities are practically endless."

"Then we'll keep the stakes low and it still counts if the guess is close," Sirius waved his hand dismissively. "I'll bet three boxes of Bertie Bott's that James'll be a boar."

"Oi!" James protested.

Sirius laughed, "Well, you did say that your animagus was big—a boar is big, loud, and obnoxious, it's a perfect fit," He kept his voice just low enough that Lily and Marlene wouldn't be able to hear them.

"Fine, five packs of Droobles'—Sirius is a toad," James retorted hotly.

"Sirius will be a dog," Remus replied automatically.

"Oh yes, definitely," Peter agreed.

"I don't think James will be a boar though," the werewolf chuckled.

"Thank you, Remus," James folded his arms over his chest.

"He could be a horse, I suppose," Remus added thoughtfully.

"Well, that's better than a boar," James shrugged.

"A horse?" Sirius frowned.

"Athletic, stubborn, a little hot-headed, and big enough to potentially be what he saw while meditating," Remus listed off traits on his fingers.

"Gee, thanks…" James said uncertainly, clearly not sure whether or not he should be offended.

"Willing to bet on that?" Sirius grinned mischievously.

"Why not? Three chocolate frogs says James will be a horse."

"What do you think my patronus will be, Remus?" Peter asked eagerly.

_A mouse_, he thought instantly. Luckily, he had the presence of mind not to blurt it out right away as he was certain it wasn't what Peter was hoping to hear.

"You said you heard chirping, right? My guess would be some sort of bird."

"It would be nice to be able to fly," Peter grinned.

"Peter's a squirrel," Sirius shook his head in disagreement.

"Or a groundhog," James added.

"A groundhog?" Sirius frowned.

"A fuzzy, burrowing animal from North America?"

Sirius' expression remained the same.

"Didn't your parents ever take you to a muggle zoo—oh wait, I just answered my own question."

"I still say that Peter's a bird," Remus tried to redirect the conversation; any reminder of Sirius' family had the tendency to make him moody for hours. "I'll bet four packs of Bertie Bott's on it."

"What about you?" Sirius asked.

"What about me?" Remus replied.

"Well, you saw something when you meditated with us that one time, didn't you?"

Remus tried to hide his discomfort—it had been a particularly unpleasant experience for him and the weeks of nightmares that followed weren't something he was eager to revisit.

"I'd say you'd be a fox," James replied.

"A fox?" Remus asked skeptically.

"Well, they're clever—" he started but Remus couldn't help but interrupt him.

"And devious. I'm not devious, am I?" He looked around at his friends hesitantly.

"Well, some of our greatest pranks have been your idea," James pointed out. "And you're pretty quick—I'd tell you to try out for the quidditch team if you didn't hate flying so much."

"I'll bet four chocolate frogs that his turns out to be a rabbit," Peter grinned.

Sirius hummed uncertainly, "I'm going to go with a raven."

"Really?" Remus quirked his head to the side.

"Freaky smart, kind of snarky—" Sirius began.

"Ravens are snarky?" Peter asked skeptically.

"Yes," Sirius didn't offer any further explanation before continuing, "Quiet, observant, kind of mysterious, and let's face it, if you weren't in Gryffindor, you'd be in Ravenclaw—and I know that their emblem is an eagle, but I'm still willing to bet four packs of Droobles that it'll be a raven."

James had started nodding in agreement.

Remus actually liked the idea that his animagus would be a raven, but he chuckled and said, "I'm not mysterious."

Sirius rolled his eyes, "Well, not to us, but we know you best. The rest of the school would say that you're very mysterious."

Remus shrugged. Based on what he'd seen while meditating, he doubted that his patronus was going to be a raven—the figure in the fog had been much larger than that, but he was happy to go along with it.

The Fat Lady's portrait swung open to reveal the seventh year Gryffindor, Brennan Abbott, surrounded by at least ten other people; some were Gryffindors, others were Hufflepuffs, all of them were fourth year and above.

"I brought some friends to help bring in the New Year," the Prefect announced. Once in the Common Room, Abbott pulled two bottles of fire whiskey out from under his robes and Remus found himself wondering how the seventh year had ever managed to become a Prefect.

"We need some decorations," Abbott waved his wand and streamers appeared above their heads.

Sirius and James got up and joined the crowd that was quickly forming around the Prefect.

"Where'd you get the fire whiskey from?" Sirius asked a little too eagerly.

"I'm afraid that's a secret," he winked.

One of the Hufflepuff's in Abbott's 'entourage' produced a stack of cups which was quickly followed by cheers.

Remus gave Peter a weary look—it was clear that the night was going to be a long one.


	15. Chapter 15: The Patronus

**A/N: So, this wound up being ****_a little_****late, but things have been insane at work lately. Thank you all again for your continued support—I don't think I would've made it this far without it. The next chapter will be on time, it's already half way there. **

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Chapter 15: The Patronus

When Remus woke up the next morning, it took him a moment to realize that something was off. It took another moment for him to realize that the reason something felt off was because he was not in his bed, but rather, lying on a couch in the common room—still fully dressed and wrapped in a curtain.

After blinking blearily a few times, he slowly sat up and discovered that he wasn't alone: at least eight other students were still fast asleep in the common room. Sirius, James, and Marlene were sleeping on the floor in front of the fireplace beside him, and Peter was curled up in an armchair.

Cups and streamers littered the floor and Remus rubbed his eyes, trying to soothe the dull ache behind them while simultaneously trying to remember the events of last night.

Then, like a tidal wave, it all came crashing back to him.

He'd tried to abstain from drinking, assuming it wasn't a good idea while he was still recovering from the latest full moon, but James and Sirius had been unrelenting—insisting that the werewolf have at least one drink before the year ended. He'd given in eventually, figuring there wasn't much harm in one drink; but as soon as he'd finished the first, Sirius had thrust a second one into his hands, and then a third.

James and Sirius had been thoroughly smashed before midnight, and Remus and Peter had been quite tipsy themselves.

_So was everyone else_, he tried to assure himself. Even Lily had had a drink.

But the thought of Lily brought a slightly fuzzy memory to the surface—when midnight tolled, she'd kissed him. Not a real kiss, just a peck on the cheek but it had been enough to make James sulk.

Sirius had joked that James was just jealous that Remus had gotten a New Year's kiss while he hadn't and, one drink later, decided to remedy the situation by giving James a wet, sloppy kiss on the cheek.

He felt his stomach twist at the memory of the look on James' face when Lily kissed him, but he could've sworn that it had all been resolved by the time he fell asleep because James had patted him on the back and assured him that they were still best mates. It was just that Remus couldn't really remember _how_ it had been resolved.

Unconvinced that James would be as good-natured about the incident in the sober light of day, the werewolf decided that he might as well go down to the library pick up the patronus book from the library and save his friends the trip.

The hallways were eerily silent as he made his way down from the tower. He supposed that it shouldn't be a surprise, there were so few students staying in Hogwarts and he knew that the majority of them were still sleeping up in the Gryffindor Tower, but even so, it put him on edge slightly.

He half expected to discover that the library was closed, but the doors were wide open. Madam Pince was absent, however, which only added to the uncanny atmosphere.

It took him a little over ten minutes to find the book _Patronuses: A Wizard's Guide to Self Defense Against Dementors_ and check it out. As he left the library though, he was startled by Snape who called out his name from behind him.

"Lupin," he snapped.

Remus jumped and whirled around to find Snape glaring at him, with a pained expression on his face.

"Did you kiss her?" he blurted out, as if he couldn't contain the words.

The werewolf blinked several times, not fully understanding what the Slytherin meant.

"What?" As he asked, he realized what Snape had meant.

"Lily!" Severus raised his voice, sounding slightly hysterical. "Did you kiss her!?"

Remus had no idea how word had spread so quickly, but he managed an even reply, "Don't be ridiculous, Lily and I are just friends."

"I have witnesses," he hissed.

"She gave me a peck on the cheek, hardly a romantic gesture," Remus clutched the book in his hand a little bit more tightly.

"So you admit it!"

"I'll admit that Lily is my friend and despite what you may think—that is not a crime. If you're feeling bent out of shape because she spent time with me yesterday, then maybe you ought to apologize for whatever you said to upset her in the first place."

The Slytherin spluttered indignantly and the werewolf took it as his cue to leave before things got even more heated.

He walked as quickly as he could, short of running, back to the Gryffindor tower knowing that Snape was not above hexing him when his back was turned.

Though he didn't care to admit it, he did breathe a minute sigh of relief when he made it through the portrait hole unscathed. Severus had seemed disturbingly unhinged by the overinflated rumours, and Remus thought it would be best if the Marauders gave him some space over the coming days.

The common room was exactly as he'd left it, with the exception of Lily, who'd come down from her dormitory and was quietly reading a book in a corner by the stairs. He crossed the room and sat down next to her with a sigh—causing her to jump, clearly she hadn't noticed him enter.

"Good morning," she said cheerfully, marking her place in the book before setting it aside.

"Morning," he replied. "What're you doing?"

"Waiting for Marlene to wake up," she grinned, "You?"

"Waiting for my friends to wake up," he chuckled.

"You're very funny when you're drunk, you know," her grin widened.

Remus shook his head, "I wasn't _drunk_. Tipsy, certainly, but not drunk."

Lily laughed, "You wrapped a curtain around your shoulders, like a cape, and told everyone that you were the ghost of Godric Gryffindor, here to grant New Year's wishes."

Remus felt heat shoot straight to his cheeks.

"O-oh…" was all he managed to stammer.

"You don't need to be embarrassed, you were far from the drunkest," Lily rolled her eyes. "You may have been the funniest though… Potter was laughing so hard, I thought he was going to pass out."

_Now_ he remembered how he'd gotten James to forgive him.

"You shouldn't have kissed me," he replied quietly.

Lily gave him an odd look for a few moments before speaking, "First of all, it wasn't an actual kiss, you dolt. Secondly, even if it _had_ been a real kiss, why shouldn't I have? Because your friend has a weird little crush me?" Remus silently hoped that James was still fast asleep and hadn't overheard. "Potter likes quidditch too, does that automatically bar you from ever playing quidditch?!" Although she kept her voice low, her frustration was clear.

He knew he had to intervene before she started raising her voice, "No—" he cut her off, "You shouldn't have kissed me because Severus found out."

"Oh." Lily seemed to deflate instantly.

"I ran into him just outside of the library. I don't know how or what exactly he heard, but I'm sure that if I'd lingered, he would've hexed me."

Lily was silent for a while before shaking her head slightly and replying shakily, "Serves him right."

Sensing that he may actually get an answer this time, Remus asked, "What _did_ you two fight about?"

"Same thing we always fight about: his friends scare me," Lily whispered. "And he's becoming more and more possessive, which I _cannot_ stand."

He didn't say anything. He knew better than to try to offer advice now—his friend just wanted someone to complain to.

"He keeps saying…" she said hesitantly after several more moments of silence, "He keeps saying that we're all going to have to choose sides soon." She paused, clearly debating how much she should reveal. "He says that I need to 'choose which side I'm on carefully'…"

_Well, that's ominous_, Remus thought. "What do you think he means by that?" he asked instead.

Lily smiled weakly and sighed, "Oh, I don't know… I suppose it could be anything, really."

He wanted to delve deeper, but Peter groaned before he had a chance to and both he and Lily turned their heads towards him.

"Owww…" Peter slowly began uncurling himself, "My whole body is numb," he complained.

He moved his neck around experimentally, groaning loudly again, "Why did I sleep like this!? Better yet, why didn't anyone wake me up or move me?"

"Oh what? Like the floor is more comfortable?" Sirius replied groggily. The black-haired boy sat up slowly—his hair was matted from sleeping on the ground and stuck out at odd angles, quite reminiscent of James'.

Remus couldn't help but laugh.

"Ow, my head…" Sirius complained, "Can someone please tell me what happened last night?" He looked around the room blearily.

Lily shot Remus an amused look, "See, I told you that you weren't the drunkest."

"Ha ha ha," Sirius laughed sarcastically, clutching his head. "Who's seen my shoe?"

"James has it," Peter replied, rubbing his neck to alleviate the strain.

"Oi, James!" Sirius shouted.

"Wh-what?" James sat up abruptly.

"You're snuggling my left shoe."

James blinked sleepily, "Your shoe?"

Sirius snatched the object cradled in James' arm.

"Gross, did you drool on it?" Sirius pulled a face and James shrugged.

"I don't know… Why are we in the common room?"

Remus laughed again.

"Hurry up and get ready for breakfast. You're going to need it," he grinned.

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The first day of patronus practice wasn't terribly successful—perhaps, in part, due to the Marauders' late night, but after a few days of intense practice it seemed as though they were on the verge of casting fully-formed patronuses; James' had already started taking a distinctively four-legged shape.

With the rest of the students returning to the next day, the Marauders knew that if they couldn't succeed by the end of the day, they would have to make some serious changes to their practice routine if they wanted to avoid suspicion.

They started practice early in the morning and by noon James, Sirius, and Remus' patronuses had started taking on semi-corporeal shapes.

Remus was in the middle of helping Peter come up with a more powerful happy memory when James hooted excitedly. The werewolf whirled around to see what the fuss was about when he came face to face with a large, silver stag.

"You did it, James!" Peter cheered, jumping up and down excitedly.

"Does that look like a boar to you?" James asked Sirius triumphantly.

Sirius raised his hands in defeat, "Alright, fine—so you aren't a boar, no need to gloat."

The stag pranced around the empty classroom a few times before fading into an indistinct mist and vanishing altogether.

Two more attempts and Sirius hooted as a massive, silver dog shot out from his wand and jumped up onto James eagerly before disappearing.

"Remus was right, yours _is_ a dog!" Peter grinned.

"Yes, and he wasn't far off in guessing that James' would be a horse. Now yours just needs to be a bird and I'd say Remus is officially a seer," Sirius laughed.

Remus rolled his eyes, "Not to poke holes in that theory, but making an educated guess on what my friends' patronuses would be isn't even remotely the same thing as being able to see the future."

Sirius laughed, "How would you know, Mr. 'Divination is a useless subject'?"

"Don't get me started on that again," Remus scolded his friend. "Why don't you help Peter come up with a strong happy memory?" He refused to say it outright, but Peter was distracting him from mastering the spell.

"Fine," Sirius sighed.

Finally able to focus, Remus concentrated on his happy memory: James, Sirius, and Peter accepting him unconditionally despite his lycanthropy. His first two attempts resulted in an indistinct mist, but on the third attempt, a clear form shot out from his wand.

Unlike his friends', Remus' patronus didn't run around the room; the silvery wolf sat calmly in front of him, meeting his gaze evenly.

It was as if someone had hit him with enough force to knock the wind out of him, and as he felt his lungs collapsing, he let out a weak but agonized cry.

"Remus?" James asked worriedly.

The wolf dissolved into nothing.


	16. Chapter 16: Nightmares

**A/N: So, I sort of messed up—I wasn't paying close attention and the details don't quite line up with the preview I wrote almost a year ago. I'm going to go back at some point and update the preview in New Beginnings, but for the time being, there are a few inconsistencies. Please bear with me. Thank you again for all of your continued support! Please read and review. **

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Chapter 16: Nightmares

After lots of empty reassurances that he was fine, Remus left the empty classroom in a rush. James and Sirius stayed behind to help Peter with the spell.

The hallways were, mercifully, empty—he didn't think he could stand to see anyone at the moment.

_It's not fair_, he wanted to shout. _It's not bloody fair_.

It was stupid really, what else had he expected it to be?

_Anything else_, he thought angrily, _why couldn't it have been _anything _else_?

He kicked a stray stone in front of him so hard it ricocheted off the wall.

Remus continued to storm forward, not giving it a second thought, but the sound piqued the curiosity of someone nearby.

He was so wrapped up in his own self-loathing that he didn't see Severus, until the greasy-haired boy was standing right in front of him, forcing him to halt.

"What are you doing down here, Lupin?" the Slytherin drawled. "All alone as well, how unfortunate for you."

"Not now, Snape," he growled in reply and tried to get around him.

Severus pointed his wand at Remus, menacingly, "On the contrary, I think now is the _perfect_ time."

"I said, _not now_." The werewolf always did his best to avoid confrontations with Snape, but his patience was, for the moment, non-existent.

"Your friends have been sneaking into Slughorn's store room for weeks. What are they doing?" Severus demanded.

Remus struggled to keep the obvious snarl out of his voice, "I have no idea. You'll have to ask them yourself."

"I think you have an _idea_ of what they're doing, Lupin," he spat, "and you're not leaving here until you tell me what it is."

The werewolf's entire body was tense and it was taking all of his remaining willpower to stop himself from saying the nastiest thing he could think of in reply.

Instead, he grumbled, "I swear Snape, if this is about me and Lily again, I'll—"

Severus met his gaze coolly and whispered, "Legilimens."

Remus felt a split second of confusion when nothing happened, but then something coiled deep inside of him lunged forward with such force it brought him to his knees. The loud, vicious snarl that wrenched itself from his throat was completely involuntary.

He was only vaguely aware of Snape's terrified gasp.

"What did you do!?" Remus moaned as he clutched his head, which had begun throbbing painfully.

"What did _I_ do!?" Severus' voice was faint, "What did _you _do!?"

Remus risked a glance up and discovered that Snape was also on the floor, white as a sheet and trembling violently.

"What the hell _are_ you?" he hissed, eyes as wide as saucers.

"Remus?" he'd never been so happy to hear Abbott's voice in his life.

Severus scrambled to his feet and bolted away.

"You alright?" Abbott reached out to help Remus up; he swayed on the spot as he stood. "Did the git hurt you?"

"N-no…," he stammered, "I just… Er… I think I just need to l-lie down."

"I think you need to go to the hospital wing," the prefect eyed the werewolf cautiously.

"No, really. I just want to get back to the tower," he wasn't certain why he didn't want to go to the infirmary, but he remained stubborn.

Abbott sighed eventually and said, "Fine, I'll take you up then."

Remus didn't protest the company and the pair made their way up the many flights of stairs to the Gryffindor tower.

With the way his head was pounding, Remus headed straight for his bed and shut the curtains. He curled up in a ball on his mattress and couldn't stop shaking.

_What the hell did Snape do?_

Black spots clouded his vision, so he closed his eyes. He felt unbelievably drained and it was only moments before he fell into a fitful sleep.

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_Remus was standing in the middle of a child's room he didn't recognize but which felt vaguely familiar. _

_It was clearly a young child's room—toys littered the floor and the walls were covered in childish, colourful drawings. It wasn't a particularly large room, but it was clear that this child was loved; there was a book open on the bedside table as if someone had just been reading, and the quilt on the bed looked handmade. _

_Lying peacefully in the bed was a small lump—the child was sleeping curled on their side with the blankets drawn up over their head. He watched the small form for a minute, it almost seemed to be trembling ever-so-slightly. Was it cold?_

_Remus looked towards the window and discovered it was broken and snow had started to pile up on the window sill; glass shards on the floor which had been practically invisible in the dark room just moments before suddenly seemed to glow oddly with a strange light. _

_He felt his stomach drop suddenly with anxiety and panic, though he couldn't figure out what was triggering such a strong reaction. He moved closer towards the window, the broken glass was the only thing that seemed unusual in the whole room, but as he reached it, the eerie glow spread out onto the carpet, illuminating his feet. The immediate, involuntary lurch he felt eliminated all doubt and confusion. _

_It was a full moon and he was transforming._

_There was no pain, just vague and indistinct sensations. He could hear his bones cracking and popping and feel his limbs moving and shifting involuntarily, but no pain—Remus, in a brief moment of clarity, wondered if he was dreaming. That wonder flew out of his mind the moment he heard the small child whimper on the other side of the room._

_The transformation ended and Remus felt himself snarl menacingly as he got up off of the floor. The child sat up in bed, eyes fixed on him in horror, and screamed. Somewhere on the floor below, a man shouted a name._

Quiet!_ Remus thought viciously and he jumped onto the boy's bed with such force, the whole room shook. He tried to stop the boy from flailing by pinning down his arm and shoulder. He leaned in to tear the child's throat out, only noticing for a split second that the boy's face was extremely familiar before sinking his teeth into flesh._

_The boy squirmed away the moment he bit down and Remus missed the throat, grabbing ahold of the child's shoulder instead—it didn't matter though, the blood that filled his mouth was still satisfying. _

_The child convulsed violently, and began screaming without pause. Remus pulled back, ready to bite the throat and end the boy's suffering when suddenly the door to the bedroom flung open—he didn't even have time to see who had entered the room before a blinding white light hit his shoulder and flung him across the room, landing in a pile of glass shards underneath the window. _

_He heard the man shout. The incessant shrieking cut off abruptly._

Dead, _Remus thought_. The boy is dead.

_The man evidently thought the same thing and turned all of his fury towards the werewolf, hurling hexes at him with vigor. Through all of the chaos and confusion, one name seemed to burn itself into his mind: _Lyall_. _

_The child made a strange whimpering sound on the bed, Lyall didn't lose focus but it was clear revenge was no longer his main objective, with one final curse, Remus felt himself launched out the window._

Remus woke up with a start a split second before he was about to hit the ground and saw Professor McGonagall standing over him.

"Remus?" he heard Sirius ask hesitantly.

"Mr. Lupin, are you alright?" McGonagall peered at him worriedly.

Unable to find his voice, the werewolf sat up slowly.

"Do you know where you are?" the deputy headmistress asked when he didn't respond.

He looked around at his surroundings slowly, the fresh images from the nightmare were making it incredibly difficult to focus.

"What's wrong with him, Professor?" Sirius sounded genuinely worried.

"I-I-I'min mmmmy d-dormitory," he finally managed to reply. He wasn't certain why he was stuttering—it was as if his mind and his mouth weren't working together anymore. Feeling embarrassed he tried to say something more coherent but it came out as, "Ba-ba-bad nnnnnightmmare."

He covered his mouth with his hand and frowned—what _was_ wrong with him?

"Sniv—Snape did this," Sirius said angrily.

"Mr. Black—" McGonagall began but Sirius interrupted her.

"Abbott said he saw the coward running away!"

"Enough, Mr. Black!" she scolded him. "Remus?" he jumped a little at her use of his first name, "_Did_ Mr. Snape attack you?"

"I-I don't know," he averted both her eyes and Sirius', but he did feel a little proud that he'd managed a clearer answer this time. Remus honestly didn't know what the Slytherin had done to him, but he was almost positive it had something to do with the incredibly vivid nightmare he'd just had.

Snape had seen _something_ though, he was certain. How much he'd seen was up for debate but his words seemed seared into his mind: _What the hell __are__ you_?

If Severus got in trouble for attacking him, how long would he keep what he experienced secret?

"He needs to go to the infirmary," Sirius said sharply, crossing his arms.

"No!" Well, at least he'd managed to say _that_ clearly, "I-I'm fine."

"I couldn't wake you up!" Sirius replied almost angrily.

"I'm awake now, it's okay," Remus felt incredibly uncomfortable having this conversation in front of the head of their house, especially as he became acutely aware of just how messy their dormitory was.

"Madam Pomfrey needs to make sure you're not hurt!" Sirius cried indignantly. "I found you here: completely rigid and unresponsive! You are _not_ okay!"

It was all too much: the patronus, Snape, the nightmare, and now Sirius' adamant unwillingness to let the matter go—Remus fell silent and kept his gaze fixed on his hands which were trembling.

"I know that you're very concerned for Mr. Lupin," McGonagall began gently, "but I believe it would be best if I could speak with him alone for a moment." Her tone was just firm enough to make it clear that there was no room for negotiation.

Sirius gave his friend an unreadable look before nodding and leaving the room.

Remus didn't doubt for a second that Sirius would be sitting on the other side of the door, trying to eavesdrop. McGonagall obviously thought the same thing and cast a quick silencing charm on the door.

The werewolf fidgeted uncomfortably as he eyed the messy mound of clothes, books, and Christmas presents at the foot of his bed which he'd neglected to organize.

"Are you sure you're alright, Remus?" McGonagall asked, he could feel her watching him carefully. He nodded, not trusting himself to say it with conviction.

"Mr. Black was very concerned for you," she began. He knew she was trying to catch his gaze, but he remained stubbornly focused on his hands. "I must admit, I was as well. It was difficult to wake you."

There was another long awkward pause, clearly the deputy headmistress was trying to get him to say something about what had happened but he was still trying to process it all himself.

"Did Mr. Snape attack you?"

"I don't know what he did," finally his mouth had caught up to his mind and taking it as an encouraging sign, he pressed on, "I don't know what he was _trying_ to do, but whatever it was, it backfired."

He wondered if he should tell her what Snape had said to him afterwards, but she interrupted him.

"Were you hurt?"

The werewolf shrugged, "It gave me a headache, but no—I wasn't hurt."

"Do you remember the incantation or wand movement he used?"

"He didn't use his wand."

McGonagall frowned, "I would feel much better if you'd allow Madam Pomfrey to check you over."

Remus sighed, but nodded in consent. If nothing else, the nurse would be able to help with his headache.

As he stood, however, the blood rushed from his head and his legs buckled underneath him. Black spots clouded his vision and he saw an image from his nightmare in a brief, but intense flash: his own petrified, blood-covered face as he struggled to get away from monster standing on top of him.


	17. Chapter 17: Aftershock

**A/N: Happy Holidays everyone! I know that this chapter is late, but I promise that I'll keep uploading new chapters, even if it takes me a while. Please read and review!**

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Chapter 17: Aftershock

Things were hazy for a while. Remus was only vaguely aware of Sirius steering him and every so often supporting him when he swayed a bit too much—somehow he managed to keep putting one foot in front of the other but every step was a little bit harder than the last, it felt as though he was trying to walk against an invisible current.

By the time they reached the hospital wing, his legs were shaking from the exertion.

"Poppy?" he heard McGonagall call from behind him—had she been following them this whole time?

Sirius pushed him towards a bed and he sat on the edge, staring off into space. For a brief moment he swore he could hear a child screaming.

"What happened?" Suddenly Madam Pomfrey was standing in front of him, shining a light from her wand into his eyes.

"Snivellus attacked him," Sirius growled, this time he didn't bother to try and hide his complete contempt.

Remus wanted to clarify but he simply couldn't bring himself to speak.

"Mr. Black, this is no time for name-calling," McGonagall scolded him.

"I don't care! Look at what the creep's done to him!"

"One more outburst and I'll assign you two days of detention."

Sirius was silent for a while, but Remus could feel him seething. The anger was so overwhelming, he felt himself closing off even more.

Eventually his friend spoke again but in a begrudgingly even tone. The werewolf wasn't really listening, but considering McGonagall had replied calmly, he assumed Sirius hadn't gotten himself into more trouble.

He was going over the images of the nightmare in his head and it was so distressing and all-consuming that he jumped when Madam Pomfrey called his name, "Remus?"

It took him several seconds to focus on the healer's face and he had the presence of mind to know that it took much too long.

"He's in shock," she said, interrupting Sirius and McGonagall's conversation. "Do you know which spell Mr. Snape used?"

Sirius shook his head helplessly and gave Remus a hopeful look, but Remus couldn't remember what incantation the Slytherin had used. Severus had said it so quickly and quietly and the aftermath had been so overwhelming—the only thing he knew with certainty was that whatever the spell had been, Snape hadn't learned it in school.

Madam Pomfrey hummed, "I don't see any visible injuries—"

"Why can't he talk?" Sirius cut the healer off.

McGonagall gave him a warning look but Madam Pomfrey didn't appear perturbed.

"That's not uncommon with shock," she replied. The healer left for a moment to hurry back to her supply room and returned with a vial of a pale pink liquid. After she pressed it into his hands, Remus drank it without pause and immediately felt a warm wave of relaxation wash over himself. It was like the fog had lifted and the cold dread was no longer weighing down on his chest.

"Better?" Madam Pomfrey asked.

Remus nodded and even managed a weak grin, "Yes."

"Are you hurt?"

"No," he replied, "I don't think so."

"Can you tell me what happened?"

Unconsciously, Remus glanced over at Sirius who was watching him intently. He looked away quickly, but Professor McGonagall had noticed and placed herself squarely between the two of them—perhaps she was worried Sirius would distract him with another outburst.

"I'm not entirely sure…" he began hesitantly. "I ran into Snape in the hallways, he was upset but I don't know what about." The werewolf kept his gaze on his hands, feigning ignorance wasn't as bad as an outright lie, but he knew it wasn't the truth either.

"I told him I wasn't in the mood for an argument. He said some sort of incantation, I couldn't make it out, but he didn't have his wand out—I know that, otherwise I would've tried to defend myself… Whatever spell it was, it backfired, and next thing I knew we were both on the ground." He frowned, the terror on Severus' face seemed burned into his mind and he knew that if it weren't for the healer's potion, his stomach would be turning. "Abbott found us and Snape ran away. I was feeling sick and just wanted to lie down. I must have fallen asleep," he fidgeted uncomfortably, "I had a nightmare."

As soon as he said it out loud, he nearly laughed—it sounded so ridiculous. A _nightmare_ had caused him to completely shut down. He'd been having nightmares for as long as he could remember, it went hand-in-hand with being a werewolf, and yet he'd _never_ been so affected by a dream. As far as his nightmares went, this one hadn't even been that terrible.

He felt heat shooting to his cheeks, "I realize how stupid this must sound…"

"Not at all," Madam Pomfrey replied quickly, but it didn't comfort the werewolf.

"It was strange, it didn't feel like a dream…" he wanted to communicate just how unusual the nightmare had been.

"What do you mean?" Sirius asked.

"It felt real. I don't mean that it was a realistic dream, it was _real_."

Professor McGonagall frowned, "What did you see?"

He opened his mouth to reply, but immediately froze up. Despite the calming effect of the healer's potion, he felt a chill course through his body. How could he describe what he'd seen when every fiber of his being wanted to forget it?

"I-I think…" the lump in his throat was making it very uncomfortable to speak. He didn't want to say it aloud, not now, not ever, and especially not to his professor and the school nurse.

"I think it was the night I was bitten." He could barely whisper the words and for a moment he worried that he'd have to repeat them, but the silence following this statement was proof that he'd been heard.

As the silence dragged on, Remus risked a glance at everyone around him; Sirius looked a little gray, Madam Pomfrey was watching him with worry, but it was the look on McGonagall's face that made him feel physically ill—it was sadness coupled with something darker which immediately reminded him of the expression his parents had worn in the days following the werewolf attack in the summer.

She _knew_ something that he didn't, the same thing his parents knew but refused to share.

He felt his head swimming: what could be so terrible that everyone wanted to hide from him? He was a werewolf after all, he experienced, on a regular basis, pain so severe that very few his age could even begin to comprehend it; what on earth could be worse than that?

Finally, McGonagall interrupted the agonizing silence, "I need to speak with Professor Dumbledore, excuse me."

Understandably, this did nothing to relieve his concerns. Before he could stop her though, the deputy headmistress had hurried out of the infirmary. Madam Pomfrey watched her leave, a concerned frown on her face; when she turned back towards the werewolf though, she reassumed her usual demeanor.

"I think it would be best to keep you here overnight."

"No!" he blurted out a little too quickly. Sirius gave him an odd look and he tried to reign in his tone.

"I mean, I'd prefer not to. I only just got out a week ago…" he gave the healer an apologetic look and she sighed.

"I won't force you to stay—but you have to promise me that you'll take a draught of dreamless sleep tonight."

_No argument there_, he thought.

"And promise me that you'll come straight back here if you start to feel ill again…"

"I promise," he replied.

The healer went back to her store room and returned with three vials of dreamless sleep draught and two more vials of the calming pink liquid. She handed them all to him and he placed them in his pocket.

Madam Pomfrey then turned to Sirius and said, "I want you to keep an eye on him for the next couple of days."

Sirius nodded mutely.

The healer gave Remus one last appraising look before sending him on his way.

He and Sirius walked together in silence for a while, but just before they reached the Gryffindor tower, the dark-haired boy stopped abruptly and turned to his friend.

"What _really_ happened?" he asked.

Remus checked their surroundings, making sure no one was around to overhear before replying quietly, "Snape knew that we'd been sneaking into Slughorn's storeroom. He demanded to know why and when I didn't tell him, he muttered some sort of spell and the next thing I knew…" he lowered his voice even more and felt heat steadily rising to his cheeks, "the w-wolf was right there—lunging forward, knocking me to the ground. And Snape saw," his voice broke, "I think he saw…"

"Saw what?" Sirius asked softly.

He couldn't quite figure out how to explain, "The way he looked at me… it was like he _knew_."

Sirius frowned, "Snivellus doesn't know anything about your furry little problem."

"He was _really_ scared," Remus muttered, hoping Sirius would understand that now wasn't a time for jokes.

Sirius' gaze softened and instead of taking the opportunity to mock Severus further, he replied sincerely, "I'm sure you just startled him. Whatever he was trying to do, it obviously didn't work—your reaction probably just caught him off guard. I promise you, the greasy git doesn't know anything."

Maybe it was Madam Pomfrey's potion that was making him complicit, maybe it was his own desire to dismiss such a terrible possibility, or maybe it was Sirius' unusually calm demeanor, but Remus believed his friend.

He nodded, "Okay."

Sirius smiled, "Now, let's go see if James and Peter are back yet, I'm ready to collect on my bet."


	18. Chapter 18: Dumbledore's Office

**A/N: This has pretty much been the longest I've gone between updates. I swear I have a good reason though—I fell and got a pretty nasty concussion over the holidays and learned the hard way how long it takes to properly recover from a head injury. The most annoying side effect was difficulty finding the right words which made writing a challenge. Finally feeling better! Please read and review. ****J**

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Chapter 18: Dumbledore's Office

Remus wasn't sure when Sirius had told the others about everything that had happened, but it soon became clear that James and Peter knew. They carried on making terrible stag and dog-based puns, laughing and joking like normal, but Remus could tell that with every change in topic, his friends were carefully avoiding any mention of his patronus or Snape. He was just grateful that his friends knew him well enough not to try to coddle him.

Peter, on the other hand, needed lots of reassurance—despite James' help, he hadn't managed to create a fully-formed patronus. He worried that he wouldn't ever be able to get the spell right and it was only after James and Sirius' fifteenth promise to hold off on the next steps until he knew what his patronus was, that Peter stopped fretting.

For a brief moment, Remus resented his friend a bit for holding up the others but he quickly quashed the feeling with a mountain of guilt. He tried to reassure himself that he wouldn't have felt the same way if he hadn't had such a miserable day but it didn't make him feel any less selfish.

When he told his friends that he was tired, they told him they were going down to the common room to give him some peace; he knew that the Marauders were walking on eggshells around him, but he simply didn't have the energy to act like everything was normal.

As soon as the dormitory door closed behind them, without bothering to change out of his clothes, Remus pulled his bed curtains shut and drank one of the vials of dreamless sleep Madam Pomfrey had given him. The effects were instant and the werewolf was grateful for the oblivion it brought.

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Morning came much too quickly for his liking, and with it, a renewed sense of dread.

Without waiting for his friends to wake up, Remus slipped out of the Gryffindor tower and began wandering the halls aimlessly.

Twenty minutes passed without him running across another person—it was both eerie and peaceful at the same time and the werewolf couldn't decide how he felt about the rest of the students returning that afternoon.

As he wandered, he debated whether or not he should go by McGonagall's office and confront her about her strange behavior in the hospital wing the day before. Ultimately, he decided he wasn't up to it, worrying it would cause another emotional upheaval.

Inevitably though, his thoughts returned to his nightmare. There were so many questions spinning around in his head: why did Snape's spell allow him to see, in vivid detail, a memory he didn't even know he had until yesterday? Why couldn't he remember it earlier? Why did it seem so familiar and yet foreign at the same time? Was it really a memory or just a nightmare? It hadn't been from his perspective, was it even _his_ memory?

He was so lost in thought he didn't notice Nearly Headless Nick floating in front of him. He walked through the apparition and was startled by the sudden cold.

It took him a moment to realize what had happened.

"Sorry," he muttered, shaking his head trying to raise his awareness.

Nick smiled, "Not a problem at all." Then, as an afterthought he asked, "Feeling a little moony today?"

Remus had been about to walk away, but the odd comment stopped him.

"What do you mean?" he tried to conceal the obvious tension in his voice.

Without pause, Nearly Headless Nick replied casually, "You look as though you're in a world of your own this morning."

Remus scolded himself for jumping to conclusions. He shrugged, "I'm useless before breakfast."

Nick chuckled before carrying on his way, disappearing into an empty classroom.

Somewhere in the distance, the clock tower chimed and with a sigh, the werewolf began making his way to the Great Hall.

Even though breakfast had started, Remus was the only student there when he arrived. Professor Hywel and Professor Sprout were sitting at the staff table and smiled at him as he entered the hall.

The house tables had been restored in preparation for the returning students and Remus took a seat at the Gryffindor table. He wondered if his friends would know to find him at breakfast when he wasn't in the dormitory as he served himself.

It felt strange eating alone and he wound up pushing his food around his plate for a few minutes until Lily and Marlene showed up.

"Good morning!" Marlene said brightly as she sat next to Remus.

"Morning," he replied.

Lily took the seat across from him and began pouring a glass of pumpkin juice.

"Everyone's coming back today," she announced.

"It'll be nice to have Alice back," Marlene replied, buttering her toast. Lily nodded in agreement before turning her attention to Remus.

"Why aren't you with your friends?" she asked conversationally.

"I woke up early," he explained, "It's their last lie-in of the holidays and I didn't want to wake them."

"If they were smart, they'd be up early too—they've gotten too use to lazy mornings, they're going to have a hard time adjusting back to school schedule," Lily said matter-of-factly.

Remus hummed in agreement, even though he knew Lily was wrong: the Marauders had only been coming to breakfast later over the holidays because they'd been working on the patronus charm nearly every morning.

Slowly more and more students began to trickle into the Great Hall.

Remus listened to Lily and Marlene talk about their over-the-break homework, only chiming in to make the occasional comment until finally the Marauders showed up.

"Told you he'd be here," Peter said to Sirius, who rolled his eyes in response.

"How're you feeling?" James asked as he sat down next to him.

The werewolf sighed, "I've been better."

"Oh no," Marlene frowned, "You're not getting sick again are you?" Before he could respond, she added, "I think there's something going around. Snape was sick all afternoon yesterday."

Remus felt Lily kick Marlene's leg under the table and she gave her friend a reproachful look. The redhead shot an anxious glance at Sirius and James and was clearly surprised when they didn't react the way she'd expected them to.

James was uncharacteristically silent and, after exchanging an unreadable glance with Sirius, went about eating his breakfast as if Marlene hadn't said anything—however his movements became stiff and tense. Sirius and Peter were also silent but kept shooting Remus anxious looks as if they now expected him to burst into flames.

After a painful pause, the werewolf cleared his throat awkwardly, "I'm not sick, yesterday was just a very long day…"

"Oh…" Marlene replied hesitantly, very much aware of the impact her words had had.

It was nearly impossible to resist the urge to ask if Severus was okay, but he knew that any follow-up questions would raise Lily's suspicion.

An uncomfortable silence settled over the fourth year Gryffindors that was only broken when Professor McGonagall approached their group.

"Mr. Lupin, may I have a word with you?" she asked.

Remus felt all eyes turn towards him and, blushing slightly, he nodded and followed the deputy headmistress out into the hall.

They walked in silence for a while—when they passed by McGonagall's office she vaguely mentioned that Dumbledore wanted to speak with him and he felt his heartrate pick up.

Was the incident with Snape really severe enough to warrant a visit to the headmaster's office?

They eventually came to a stop in front of the gargoyle which blocked the stairs leading up to Dumbledore's office.

McGonagall gave the password ("chocolate frogs") and the gargoyle leapt aside. Giving Remus a small but encouraging nod she turned to leave and he began ascending the stairs.

In all his time at Hogwarts, Remus had only visited the Headmaster's office on a few occasions: the last time had been a little more than a year ago and Dumbledore had just wanted to talk to him about how accommodating his professors had been regarding his absences. It seemed as though the headmaster had added a few more strange devices to his collection, but otherwise, not much had changed since then.

Dumbledore wasn't there but his phoenix was sitting on its perch, watching him curiously. As Remus looked around the office debating where he should sit, the massive bird made a soft trilling sound.

He quirked his head to the side, the sound had the unusual effect of calming his nerves even more effectively than Madam Pomfrey's potion. The phoenix made another trilling sound and Remus was just about to take a step towards the bird when Dumbledore's voice startled him.

"Ah, Mr. Lupin," the headmaster greeted him warmly after seemingly appearing from thin air. "Please, have a seat."

With one last glance towards the phoenix, Remus sat down across from Dumbledore who smiled at him.

"You'll have to excuse my lateness—the attack in Hogsmeade created many loose ends that needed to be attended to before the rest of the students return."

Still somewhat dazed by the sudden change in his mood, Remus simply nodded to show his understanding. Dumbledore was watching him intently as if he were waiting for the werewolf to say something but all he did in reply was switch his focus to the carpet under his feet.

The headmaster sighed softly and continued gently, "It is my understanding that there was…" he paused for a moment, carefully choosing his words, "… an incident yesterday."

Remus couldn't help but fidget uncomfortably as the memories washed over him yet again. Dumbledore's phoenix made yet another trilling sound, sending warmth through his chest that soothed him to the point that he was able to meet the headmaster's searching gaze again.

After shooting the bird a quick, inquisitive glance, Dumbledore added, "Professor McGonagall informed me that there were some unusual and unpleasant consequences. I know you've described what happened several times already and it is not my intention to cause you undue stress, but I would greatly appreciate it if you could recount what took place one last time."

After carefully glossing over what he'd been doing before running into Snape and what Snape had been so upset about, Remus told the headmaster everything: from the immediate impact of the spell to the gory details of his nightmare. Dumbledore listened solemnly.

When he'd finished, he and the headmaster sat in silence for a few moments. Dumbledore seemed troubled by what the werewolf had told him and eventually Remus couldn't take the silence and added, "I don't want to get anyone into trouble."

The headmaster gave him an odd look.

"I don't know what Snape was trying to do, but I know that he didn't intend for things to go the way they did…" he continued.

Dumbledore cleared his throat, "I believe I know what Mr. Snape was attempting to do and unfortunately it's part of a larger, disturbing trend. It is not a subject taught at Hogwarts or at any other school to my knowledge."

"Where did he learn it?" Remus asked.

The headmaster gave him a grim smile, "I wonder the same thing. I'm afraid that, in this regard, I have no answers."

Remus was about to ask what he thought Snape had been trying to do, but Dumbledore didn't give him a chance, "As for your nightmare—I believe I may be able to help shed some light on it."

The werewolf perked up at this.

The headmaster leaned forward, folding his hands neatly on his desk. "I believe it's time we had a long overdue discussion about the werewolf attack in Pentrich last summer…"


	19. Chapter 19: An Unexpected Friend

**A/N: I'm not sure how I feel about this chapter—I went back and forth on how to handle it ****_a lot_****, but my indecision was very time consuming. For those of you still reading this story, please read and review! Thank you!**

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Chapter 19: An Unexpected Friend

It didn't take long for Remus to regret his initial curiosity.

Dumbledore calmly explained that the attack in Pentrich had been planned and carried out by a werewolf named Fenrir Greyback. Greyback was known for his violent, feral temperament and often stalked his victims prior to the full moon in order to ensure that he would either infect or kill them once transformed.

The headmaster then assured Remus that Greyback had targeted Pentrich specifically because it was a Muggle town and that the Lupins' presence there hadn't drawn the werewolf in any way. Remus wondered for a moment how Dumbledore could possibly know any of that before a strange calm and feeling of detachment enveloped him.

Professor Dumbledore continued talking about the steps the ministry was taking to ensure that Greyback was apprehended but Remus wasn't really listening any more as there were several large pieces clicking into place in his mind.

He could now understand why his parents had been so desperate to flee after the attack.

Remus expected to be overwhelmed by this new revelation, to feel angry or sad or even disgusted, but he just felt empty.

With so many things seeming to fall into place, the werewolf didn't notice that the headmaster had stopped speaking. When he finally managed to focus on Dumbledore, the old man sighed.

"I've spoken with your parents," he began but was quickly interrupted.

Remus laughed. It wasn't funny or even remotely amusing, but he laughed nonetheless.

The headmaster's expression remained solemn and sympathetic. He paused, giving the werewolf a chance to collect himself.

Remus managed to rein in his inappropriate laughter and shaking his head he said, "I know what you're going to say next."

Dumbledore's expression saddened, "Remus…" The Gryffindor began listing off the places he'd rather be in his head. "Greyback was the werewolf who bit you."

"Your parents never revealed his identity to you because they wanted to protect you," Dumbledore explained, trying to catch the fourth year's eye. Remus was barely listening however, "I'm sure that this is, understandably, upsetting news, but your parents and I agreed that, given your recent recollection of your bite, it was only fair that some light was shed on the situation."

"But why me?" he asked, never looking away from a complicated-looking silver mechanism on the headmaster's desk. It wasn't until he heard it aloud that he realized how petulant it sounded and he tried to clarify, "If Greyback chooses and stalks his victims beforehand, why'd he choose me?"

Dumbledore sighed, "I'm afraid I have very limited insight into that. Fenrir is extraordinarily unpredictable—it's why the ministry has had such a hard time finding him."

Remus nodded mutely.

"I don't believe that anyone wanted you to learn about your bite this way…" Dumbledore added gently.

The werewolf laughed again, this time it was a bitter chuckle rather than an uncontrollable, slightly hysterical laugh.

"I feel very stupid," he began, picking at loose thread on his sleeve, "All of these years I was convinced that it had just been a terrible accident—that I had snuck outside at night or something and some poor werewolf had broken free of whatever safety measures they'd put in place to keep them away from others." He sighed. "I couldn't even begin to imagine what that must've felt like… knowing that you'd hurt someone like that during a full moon… I told myself that if I ever met them, I would say that it was okay, that I forgive them and understand that it was beyond their control."

"Remus," the headmaster began softly, "I do not presume to know how you're feeling right now, however, I would hope that knowing you have at least one friend in the werewolf community would bring you some small amount of comfort."

Remus finally glanced up at the headmaster, frowning in confusion.

"What do you mean?"

With a small smile, Dumbledore waved his wand and a large stack of parchment appeared on the desk in front of him. The headmaster pushed it towards him.

"Fenrir may be one of the vilest beings on earth, but I've learned over the years that for every evil, the universe, inevitably, adds another good." Remus peered at the stack of paper, _Hairy Snout, Human Heart_ was written on the top page. "You have never met the author of this book, but I can assure you that he knows you and has already helped you immensely."

"I've never heard of this before," Remus picked the document up and began flipping through the pages.

"It hasn't been published yet. I'm working to ensure that that changes this year." Dumbledore leaned forward slightly, "This is not a homework assignment—you are not required to read this, I would, however, highly recommend it."

After flipping through the first few pages, the werewolf paused, "There's no author name?"

"No, there is not. This individual and I both agreed that he should remain anonymous due to the sensitive nature of the book's content."

Remus sighed. The complicated-silver mechanism he'd been staring at earlier began whirring on the headmaster's desk and the old man frowned at it.

"Mr. Lupin, you'll have to forgive me but I'm afraid I must cut this meeting short." Dumbledore stood rather abruptly.

The werewolf hugged the manuscript to his chest and rose.

"I sincerely apologize—I had hoped for more time to discuss this with you…"

"It's okay, I understand…" Remus was secretly grateful for the interruption; he needed time alone in order to organize his thoughts.

"Professor McGonagall is fully aware of the situation so if you have any questions or concerns, or if you simply want someone to talk to, she is readily available." Although the headmaster's tone and gestures were calm and collected, Remus swore that he could smell panic coming from him and he wondered what on earth the whirring device signified.

Dumbledore walked him to the staircase and gave Remus a gentle pat on the shoulder.

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As the werewolf made his way back up to the Gryffindor tower, he was surprised by how calm he felt about the new information. Logically, he knew he had every reason to be devastated, to feel hurt and betrayed, to have a million questions and 'what if' scenarios spinning around in his head, but instead he found himself wondering where his friends had gone to and what he should eat for lunch.

All things considered, it had crossed his mind that maybe he was so overwhelmed he'd just shut down emotionally, but given the alternative, Remus wasn't in any rush to remedy the situation.

As he reached the dormitory door, he could hear Sirius and James howling with laughter on the other side. He walked in and found the two dark-haired boys doubled over on the floor with tears streaming down their cheeks and Peter blushing furiously on his bed, looking as though he were on the verge of a different kind of tears.

"What's going on?" he asked, dropping the manuscript off on his bed.

Both James and Sirius tried to explain but could only manage to get out one or two syllables before redoubling their laughter.

"It's my patronus," Peter said tearfully, after James' sixth attempt. "It's a rat!"

Remus bit down hard on his tongue to keep himself from smiling. He took a deep breath and when he was certain he wasn't going to crack, he scolded his friends.

"Oh, knock it off you two!" When they couldn't stop, and in fact, only seemed to laugh harder after trying to stop, Remus hexed them so that their laughter was reduced to soft bird chirps. Satisfied, he turned back to Peter.

"What's wrong with your patronus being a rat, Peter?"

Peter gave him an incredulous look, "Are you having a laugh?"

"No," Remus sat down on the foot of his bed, "Rats are smart, adaptive, and small enough to get into all sorts of hidden places."

After that last comment, the chirping started to die down and Remus lifted his hex.

"You're right!" Sirius wheezed, still out of breath. "Peter! As a rat, just think of all the places you can get into undetected! You wouldn't even need James' cloak!"

Peter seemed to perk up a bit at this, and Remus continued, "As a rat, you can go pretty much anywhere you want—the same can't be said for James or Sirius."

"Really?" The smallest Marauder asked hopefully.

"You've just got to keep an eye out for Filch's cat," Sirius grinned.

"And McGonagall!" James added.

"McGonagall doesn't eat rats!" Peter protested.

"I never said she eats them—" James clarified, "She simply stalks and kills them."

Peter looked over to Remus uncertainly and, feeling a little mischievous, he replied, "You'll be fine—just avoid the middle courtyard."

James and Sirius snickered as Peter paled slightly.

Pity quickly winning over Remus sighed, "You won't get eaten. These assholes are just teasing you, right?" he asked his friends pointedly.

"McGonagall might not get you, but I can't make any guarantees that a transformed werewolf won't see you as a late night snack." Sirius could hardly suppress a snicker and Remus nearly kicked his friend.

"Remus?" Peter was practically trembling.

"The wolf won't eat you either," he began but Sirius interrupted.

"How do you know?"

"I _know_. There are all sorts of little critters living in the shack and the wolf doesn't pay them any mind. I promise."

"But—" Sirius started.

"I swear to Merlin, Sirius—if don't drop this I will hex you back to the middle ages!" Remus said sharply.

Laughing, Sirius raised his hands up, "Okay! Okay! I'll stop."

Peter shot the werewolf a grateful look.

"A rat is a much more useful animagus form than a stag or a dog," James nodded, Remus was pleased that at least one of his friends had decided to be mature, "It'll add a whole new level of what's possible to our pranks."

"You're not just saying that, are you?" Peter asked hesitantly.

"Of course not—I didn't think of it until Remus mentioned it, but he's right and it's bloody brilliant that your animagus is a rat." Peter beamed.

Remus shot James a grateful smile before giving Sirius a warning look.

"Now we just need nicknames!" Sirius grinned.


End file.
